`take my HAND* NEVER let go-

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Wednesday, July 29, 2009
12:36 AM

I'd place a safe bet that no one comes here anymore. doesn't matter really.

So.

A new chapter is about to unfold. Who would've thought I would make it to university so quickly. at the age of 15, university was lightyears away. But here i am. I am. An undergraduate. Through these past 19 years and more, so many chapters have begun and ended and all along they were simply, well, chapters of life. Anyone's life(at least in singapore). there were the studying, there were the exams. there were the failures, there were the successes. There were the foes, there were the friends. there were the boyfriends, there weren't the boyfriends(this shouldn't and does not give the impression that there were many). So much joy, yet so much sorrow. but life still went on and i didn't really give a damn. to me, they.just.happened/happen.

I've been admitted into NUS science fac, where i'll be doing life science. But ultimately i'm still heading for Dentistry in australia nxt yr, hopefully. He's going to Melbourne nxt year, certainly. So herein lies my reluctance in moving into the next phase of my life: My next phase won't include him anymore.. or viceversa. Yes, perth and melbourne are both in australia. but you know how it is.. Perth(or mayb adelaide) is further from melbourne than it is from s'pore(i think). regardless, truth is we can't see each other anymore. nowhere near the word occasionally, even.

I DO KNOW. i know how weak i sound.. how naive.. how.... "wat am i expecting".. but still. I'd wager that i'm probably the most insecure 19 year old in a 10km radius. I don't dare to talk to him about it. He always asks," why do you always look/ sound so sad whenever we talk about Australia? For me I don't really feel anything." Ha. I've learnt to accept that he can be that cruel. in fact, i've concluded that all guys are that cruel. I'm highly in denial. i want to hear nothing like that anymore so i'm like digging an endless pit of insecurities.

Honestly, what am i expecting to hear anyway? Childishly, or naively, I always imagined that he could and would say something like," it's really ok, cause we're strong enough/i love you alot/this ain't gonna bring us down" or really ANYTHING ALONG THE LINE OF WE'LL DEFINITELY MAKE IT. i know definity is scary, and really really naive for anyone to commit. but sometimes...? just sometimes... i need to hear it, need to hear some definity, need to hear some commitment enough to dare to express definity. something that he always runs away from...always refuses to give me.. and now i've had my huge ego bruised enough that i always go," of course you can't say that/ya that's true/*laughing it off awkwardly*" whenever he says," anyway we won't know what will happen what..." in reply to my questions on what if we can't survive the long dist.

what else can i say right. i can't show him that i want some commitment with fear he'll simply run away. again.

okay i guess that's all i have to say. for now.

byebye

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Sunday, January 18, 2009
12:51 AM

everything's quite different now... for the best, supposed to be... i think i've been misled. all my ideals about love, the perfect relationship. true perfection rlli has imperfection chipped in it. ugliness to balance its beauty i guess? dun blame me.... i've just, kinda been given tht impression by everyone.

i don't mind... to have some of your affection, care and concern taken away in attaining that imperfect beauty. but i just wanted it at important times i guess. but u refused me that, and on the other hand there's someone else who opposingly is willing to do that for me... what am i to think? i just hope you can get things sort out asap.... get that priorities set out properly.. mayb it'll get better then? cus it just hurts now. just a lil.. what must happen to get a lil care from you without you feeling guilty about it? when i'm lying motionless maybe..

everythings so complicated now... i don't want your guilt, don't want my coercion. all i want is you... give you back to me soon k? ying wei you shi hou zhen de hen xin ku... don't say you can't do it k, cus i noe u can. n i'll hang on till then..

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Sunday, November 30, 2008
12:47 AM

yep, exams are over. quite surreal, that after so long, it is actually done. but the extra time's making me feel so empty. There's really nothing much to look forward to. even a saturday is just another fucking day.

makes u feel... so alone... doesnt it? you look around, the list of friends runs through your head. then you realise. hey, there rlli isnt much there. no one's gonna be always there. not a single soul...

well, back to videos and books i guess..

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Tuesday, August 26, 2008
12:48 PM

my parents've been wanting to rent out my brother's room and the guest room. i dnno the price but if ur interested u can let me know. I'LL ANNIHILATE YOU(actually i'll just get naf to do that to save effort). especially if you go through absurdly RUDE and unbearably NOSY agents.

this scchhhhtupid agent, whatshername? agnes i think. the target was only the guest room and my brother's room. but somebody happily went AROUND MY WHOLE FUCKING HOUSE, poking into my maid's toilet, my maid's room, and SHE FUCKING DARED POKE INTO MY ROYAL ABODE. maybe she was looking for some treasure to steal, god knows. she would have brought that hong kong tenant into my room if i didn't stop her. to say i'm annoyed would be TOTALLY AN UNDERSTATEMENT. my father has made it clear that the rooms to be rented out are the above mentioned, and she STILL asked if im renting out my room. OMFG. just because my room is worth much more than the guest room and she'd gain much more commision from it. U MONEY FACE, HAVE YOU NO CONSCIENCE?!

*flashback to n months ago*

(in my room) bitch: this room very well decorated leh, very warm. alot of females would want to rent this room.

me:*hides naf behind my back ready to throw at her*

WAH LAU. she really targeting my room can. this is like in those movies, how some people try to steal property or something. how frustrating. but of course, she'll never get my room, like over my dead body. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee i hate herrrrrr!!! she struts around as if she owned the place and she belonged here, looking like some sampat aunty. just because you're helping us rent the rooms, it doesnt mean you own us AUNTY. i've officially declared to my maid she's not to enter or open my room door AT ALL COSTS. just because I SAID SO. i guess i must admit i am territorial(:

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Saturday, August 02, 2008
7:13 PM

my teeth hurt like FUCK. thanks to the newly added springs. well done well done.

FUCKKKKK.

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Monday, June 16, 2008
9:41 PM

two disabled appeared on 'so you think you can dance'. rather inspirational i say. quite saddening too. one had auditioned for the first season, and then he still had his legs. jus within the short span of, say a year?, motorcycle accident, and here comes the prosthetic. oh, and he breakdanced for his first audition, he was, swaying, for his second. just, taking in heaven's blessing on being able to walk. "this is for me", he said. what a great motivation in studying. there's a plenty of things to enjoy out there in life, and we're studying. ooo hooo.

oh yes, i've taken a liking to starbuck's iced chocolate. mmmhhhhhhh.

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Thursday, May 29, 2008
10:15 PM

i'll be flying off to shanghai, again, on sunday. plan to start the studying there. that's the plan anyway. first time im in china when it's not winter so hopefully the shoppings would be more rewarding. oh. and my mom better keep her promise of parties. hmm.

bio and chem spa are both over. NO MORE SPAS HAHAHAHAHAHA.

it's super annoying how i have nothing to say at all.

bye

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Sunday, May 18, 2008
10:33 AM

now that i know all those things are true, what now.

the guilt i have is prodigious, what about YOU? have you ever stopped for a moment to count your blessings, to just LOVE HER WITH ALL YOU HAVE FOR JUST ONE MOMENT. just a slight moment.. just one slight fucking moment.. i can't comprehend my doubt about those things i saw those things u did may have been.. i dun even know what credence i actually held on to. but you're revolting, so vile.

the effort and love one woman has for us.. she has done alot. even simply alot would be an insult.

it's time i become a little more mature, a lot nicer, more responsible, more thoughtful, less selfish, less conceited, less self-gratifying. things nobody here ever shown her...

and you... i dun see you the same anymore. i don't have a problem with my identity, i have a problem with your infidelities. you shld really be branded a failure in many aspects. you do know that don't you?

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Thursday, May 08, 2008
8:30 PM

had bio test today which was. okay. and math test tmr. which means i rlli shouldnt b here. anyhuuuuuuu, i got back my chem test today, passed with a D. Quite a good improvement so says the chem teacher from the previous 6. out of 30. WOHOOO! shit man i nearly got scared outta my wits when she asked me if i studied the last time n this time. ah wells..

today's been quite great(: pardon the bad english. Lear's getting more interesting, starting to dread 5-6 lit lessons less n less. till boey comes into the picture that is..

been together with the love of my life thus far for over a year, had a great celebration on sat. everything's quite perfect(:

the times in my life where i actually am glad im alive...

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Tuesday, April 29, 2008
9:43 PM

expectations. reputation.

essentials in the post-modern era of the 21st century. (i hope we are in the 21st century)

we always insist that we should not conform, and to live for ourselves. yet out of the empty talk, how does someone actually do that unless he/she totally lives isolated. interaction with other individuals of the species has become a skill. quite tormenting in a way, how one has to upkeep a certain image to just be accepted by those around. i think it wouldn't be incorrect to make a statement like: everybody tries to be someone else at a certain point of their life. EVERYONE.

and don't even try to be nonchalant to ignore what people say, i seriously believe no one can totally be unaffected. if u really can, you can take all my respect. hands down. the human beings are weird organisms. they jus love to see what they like to see, and never cease to discriminate the abberations.

therefore, i'm such a farce. i've been nothing but. i'm not happy bout it. but i feel safe.

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Monday, April 28, 2008
9:57 PM

life's been quite a drag of the late. but it's going to be much better this week i just know it. seeing how there's a public holiday on thursday after a whole month of no breaks at all. and binggs' popping outta that lil confined island of tekong too! and not forgetting how 6th may is really just next week. april has rlli been a month of nothing to look forward to. drama night's over.. hmm. other than well done, nothing's left to be said..

i bought a whole lots of stuff today! what it's for, shall leave it to a later time. SHUT UP JERMAINE! DO NOT SPILL IT. i'll kill u.*crinks brows* retail therapy. somehow i felt good and bad after the spree. the opposites again. phwwwooooarrrrr.

things to do:
1) keep in touch with the music scene. i've been in my own lil world revently. shit.
2) study for chem STUDY for chem STUDY FOR chem STUDY FOR CHEM!!!!!!!!(i rlli planned to do that jus now, till it struck me tht spa report's due for tmr)
3) start using all i've bought today
4) MAKING BIOLOGY MY LIFE

i'm trying to cram myself with the impossible. what for man, what for.. to pass my tests, that's what's for.

i miss you. cause you light up my lifee, gave me hope t o just carry on.... <3

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Sunday, April 13, 2008
9:07 PM

getting so many different blog accounts really amplifies my dilemma on which to blog. haha shall settle down here. JERMAINE WANTS ME TO TALK ABOUT MY PATHETIC LIFE. SO HERE GOES.

the past week has been rather draggy. even though i felt the days passed so quickly, it puzzles me at how byy has not even been in there for one week. it's as if im stuck in two parallel and simultaneous dimensions. on the plus side, i've been having alot of time to myself. on the minus side, i've been having alot of time to myself. good because i sleep alot. bad because i think too much. not to worry though, workload on the drama side is officially in the house. WILL PEOPLE JUST SEND ME EVERYTHING ALREADY?!?!? yea, that's how crapped up i've been.

pw was such a great dissapointment really. i mean when i think about how ppl i noe outside of sch do for their A's. It's simply a horror film in action. i'm stuck right in it. but nvm. who asked me to choose this way rite?

shall say no more. I WANT PRIVACY.

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Monday, April 07, 2008
10:06 PM

7th of april. the day byy SHAVED BALD. the oh-so-traumatising experience. getting point blank for NS is so passe, but yet, WHO EVER GETS USED TO IT AT FIRST SIGHT?? other than choo bing cheng of course-.- nonchalence should be branded. cleanly shaven heads have been passing by me recently ad nauseum. but. i have yet learned the art of finding beauty in it. so that brings me to my point of discipline. it really puzzles me sometimes, JUST SOMETIMES, how a mass of collagen on the head actually affect one's discipline, or for the matter, the lack thereof. does having no hair make u smarter, or make u a better person? then why don't the UN declare bald-ness as the next policy?

we see those now-remote-tribes having practices of elongating necks, piercings in excruciating areas, or even genital mutilation. shoot me if the majority of responses don't coo "har they do that for wat??" now, transpose that through my window of acts of discipline in our lives. specifying discipline aside, all are acts with reasons of the so called norm. BUT WHO SETS THE NORM? basically, homo sapiens. i think we're weird beings. WEIRD. probably even eccentric. we set rules of the game we play, and we make our lives harder than they already have to be. this issue has been bothering me ALOT recently. why are we making our lives so difficult? i can't say life is short, but it's definitely not exactly long either. pragmatic issues of, finance, mainly, have driven us straight to and through the path of dire lifestyles. if i'm not mistaken, the current retirement age has increased last year, to, say, 65?? or 70?? not too sure. but there about.

let's see. 3 years of ignorance and bliss, 21 years of increasingly tormenting education, another 40-50 odd years of slogging. after which, or probably due to that, you.. hmm.. DIE. but i think before i get carried away. i have yet gotten any conclusion-.- other than that bringing me back to the fact that life is about living a huge paradox.

SO GO BE OXYMORONS PEOPLE. THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE HERE FOR.

btw, note the morons in oxymoron. (:

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Thursday, April 03, 2008
9:58 PM

didnt go to sch today, not sick, yet recovering. the drone of school would simply sap the remaining strength i have left, so i simply took the liberty where i ended at 6 to have a good break(:

block test papers have been streaming in this week. starting with chem. E. well, at least i passed, from the delusion eunice sim instilled upon me that i failed. bio. E. glad i passed too. considering how much i've studied. GP. D. erm a drop from B, but wth, i've been failing gp this whole yr. math. A. very much satisfactory. probably the only A i've ever seen and will ever see in JC. and lit totally no hope to score. overall, i shall content myself with the fact i din fail. that would be the rather jolly part of my life this week.

was talkign to jasmine today, and she mentioned the lack of blogging= to lack of info on friend's life=inspiration for me to blog today. talking to her made me realise how long.. jus how long, i've been lacking this kind of connection. she probably hit the nail on the head before i managed to speak up. and tho it hurt, she exposed all my fears, as much as i'd hate to admit them. but i know that's what i thought too. not much explanation, just alot of analysis. made me feel less alone again. friends are one reason i thought i never needed my family for emotional independence. but jasmine's been easy, somebody left me in the dumps. a mental list of people i could look for ran through my head. none was the reply. i started indulging in self pity at how my friends were all busy with their own matters, and my parents were hardly around(physically). desperation for my mom's hug drove me to her picture, my only solace, her only being at home. to the computer. thank god she was there. a long comforting chat on the phone. returned my sanity.

despite everything, lesson learnt, and things gained. my mom is now my special friend.

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Friday, March 21, 2008
10:21 PM

life is so complex. that's just my random revelations from my endless reflections as part of revision. watching all the tv programs, namely "stars w/o make up" jus further exaggerates conformity and acceptance. we live to conform and conform to live. but ironically, conformation is one of human's worst nightmare and controvercies. but thats the way the cookie crumbles.

on a more neutral?? notes, bio mugging have been rather successful and less stressful as chem, i'm glad to say. and i've realised that downing snacks is a real problem with studying, REALLY. it's a non-stop action. shit shit.

4 more days of papers. FOUR FUCKING FAYSSSS.

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Tuesday, March 18, 2008
5:11 PM

tmr's chem paper 2. and now, i realised i haven memorised anything-.- im so smart don't you know.. where'd u think all my S n U came from -.-ll

deadedT.T

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Friday, March 14, 2008
11:25 PM

the march mugging holiday is over..

wow..

sometimes u simply have to be amazed at the speed of time.. you KNOW that time passed, but it doesnt hit you it was THAT fast right.

i hereby confess i slacked or did plenty of useless things during this break. which i shouldn't have BUT WHO KNOWS. to make myself feel better, i seeked solace in the wonders of MATHEMATIC. i think math has evolved in being a part of my life as therapeutic recovery from due stress of the other shit subjects, aka mainly chemistry. hmm. if this was probably 2 years ago, i would have whacked myself hard with a great white shark. but yes, i actually love math now.

LIFE IS SUCH A WHACK SOMETIMES.

other interesting happenings in my life:
1)i engaged a chem tutor. *blinks blankly*
well, at least i tried to do something about it.
2)i filed alllll the damn loose paper around
it makes studying feel easier without any of my notes in "lost n found" sections
3)i gave my lexus bear a new shirt which says: nanyang 06 batch
the old sweater was loosening up and quite ugly.
4)i sneak out of my home at near midnight to sit on the neighbourhood swing
okay theres ANOTHER reason to that.
5)my room is reformed thanks to dad
"reformed" is in a negative connotation btw

despite everything, i'm proud to announce i've been cheery n quite not annoyed at life. (:
i know i'd probably contradict this in the nx post or so, but heck, i'm happy now.

*BIG SMILE*

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Saturday, March 08, 2008
2:15 PM

just had a play-over of my birthday yesterday so i shall just blog about my whole 18th birdday exp(:

1st march: byy byy picked me up n biked me to some oh so secret place-.- lol ZY HOUSE. first thing that greeted me was that oh so cute and jumpy mickeyyyyyy<3 it's a golden retriever btw. haha. jus in case u were wondering-.- eyes closed upon request, and opened to a dark room lit with CANDLES!! prettayeee! haha the candle-formed-heart on the floor kinda reminded me of that petalled heart in sentosa's tanjong beach. lol reminiscence. it took quite awhile b4 i registered a camera aimed at my flat haired(THE HELMET) face and the yummylicious choc cake with a "Happy birthday byy~". haha yeppp quite touched<33 fangkewww! after zy's hse, went to grandma's hse just to chill a lil. and vroomed to town for "meet the spartans". omg so super lame. it's almost lame until can't laugh o.O

yesterday: went to meet weiliang n co. who quite unexpectedly wished me happy belated bday. lol i'm having a happy bday like one week after my bday again. how cool's that! after that met ranil which was cool. HAHA he's damn funny. met sarah tifen n jaslin at indochine. HAHA SHIT MAN SORRY I WAS SO DARN LATE!! XD but what's new rite? lol. i think the food there's nice, just that i idiotically chose the not so nice one. lmao. but the DESSERT was da bomb. was nice just hanging out with them. really. NICE. went off and on the bus i flipped thru the letters n presents. and got a huge paiseh moment when i jus flamboyantly wagged a red underwear around unknowingly. T.T haha i was laughing to myself at those lil heartwarming things contained in that yellow forever 21 plastic bag. i loved yest<33

so. nowww.. muggg! and i have no idea if the newspaper is spouting lies about IP students doing better than the non-IP students. but i shall reserve my comments to myself. save someone sues me. and i think chimeras are so cool!! reallyyyy. the hybrids are like.. haha. go find out for urselves.

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Saturday, March 01, 2008
1:51 PM

yay i'm finally 18(((: can drive, can drink, can club, etc. thanks to those who wished me a happy birthday! especially those who msged at like 12 midnight. hahaha. last night was a big torture tho. shitzzzzz.

i SWEAR im gonna go on a mozzie hunt from now onwards. i woke up scratching my arms then i heard that same buzzing against my ear again. i have no idea if it's the same mozzie who disturbed my sleep those weeks ago. this one's super evil tho.. one small mozzie, bite here bite there so many times. then i hide my body leaving my head outside, oso wanna bite. so now, i have a swollen right eye. shitz........ i managed to shoo it away before it left any salive on my eye la, so its basically just swollen.. not itchy.. but STILLLL..... i nearly screamed my head off when i looked in the mirror this morning T.T n i nearly wanted to call of the day's plans just so i can hide my hideous face from public. thanks to my wonderful make up skills tho, it doesnt look so obvious anymore*smirks*

anyhooooowww. i would like to say i lau the gladyses and jermz for the lovely presents.. loshy with the CHANEL makeup *jaw drop*. tanisha with the 3-part present which are quite practical. lol. even came with a free packet of tissue. and jermz for the bubbles and CHIP N DALE PENCIL CASE!! cutenesssss!!!! (((((: i love chipmunks<33 oh ya. and jasmine treated me to swensens long ago for my birthday(i din forget)., so THANKS as well!! i feel loved. haha retard.

so it's really quite okay if my dad forgets my bdae.. i dun rlli care.. REALLYYYYY. haha i dnno y but im not the least upset over it. tanisha was like so sad for me when i said my dad forgot.. haha ah welllssss.

gtg now!! hee. buaieeeeee

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Sunday, February 24, 2008
8:49 PM

the recent biggest thing in my life? definitely Puyal '08 on the 24th of February 2008. actually unlike my other performances, to say i worked really hard for the past 2 months of preparation would be a big lie, cause i din do much at all if you don't include the past week. so i sorta can't rlli claim credit whenever people say WE(including me) worked hard for the past 2 months.

the past few days have been quite eventful, starting with the alumni people. i really couldn't stand them and their comments. we all agree what they say is valid, but it rlli boils down to HOW they say it. and of course keeping me back from my wonderful bed for so goddamn long. but as always, we learn to appreciate that they really did something for puyal.

yesterday was the big day, starting off with me reaching rather late(but not the latest mind you). helped out with the hanging of banner, after which i got to realise tht i had to usher the guest artiste. we had a full dress, and everything was almost perfect. the alumni confirmed it. OMG LA. thank god the song extensions let the gladyses all changed in time. we all ate chicken briyani with our hands(gladys style), and went on to get all dressed and made up for the final show. now. allow me to tell you the most shocking thing in puyal man.

marinnah, tanisha, loshini n me went into the guy changing room which was empty. closed the door. shahida came knocking, and couldnt push the door open until she pushed a little bit harder. so fine. so all the khaka gladyses were in the toilet and we closed the door again to strip. DUH. then jermz came to pass me my phone. and. COULDN'T OPEN THE GODDAMN DOOR. we were like still in denial or something and asked her to push harder since shahida could do it just now. but still bue sai. only like 5 mins later did the reality that the khaka girls were locked in sink in. haha and i had to release the fact that e ava people told me the day b4 that the changing room was haunted. oops. so the whole thing became quite a huge affair. bani and the other guys came n tried banging down the door, some other person got a hammer, trying to knock the latch, we tried pins n picks to turn the knob. but NOOOOO, WE JUST COULDNT OPEN. the ironic thing is, all the while i was inside, i found it quite alright, like i knew i would come out anyway. in the end, when our saviour, one of the alumni, took a scissors to turn to knob and voila. maybe it was the revelation that we could get out of the toilet that we had been stuck in for half an hour, revelation that we could make it to the show, that i wailed. haha. wailed. and one gladys said this "this is one of the memorable things about puyal that we'll always remember." i so agree..

binggie and karthik came soon after. and the show started. i was quite not surprised at the pathetic amount of people that came to watch. lmao. but still, still very paiseh at my pangs of laughter during the tamil praise thingy. so very embarrassing please. my next job was to usher the guest artiste so that part was quite laggy and a lil boring considering i din understand the whole show at all. foo foo came in the middle just to pass me a lil something to show her support. I LOVE YOU! i think that was rather sexy of her. haha. finally, FINALLY, medley's up. MEDLEY YO. i so can tell tht's the most fun and enjoyable part of the whole show la. everybody was cheering and having fun watching whoever make a fool of themselves. i'm not saying specifically anyone, but just some people or a person or whatever. haha. WADEVER.

i stepped on the stage with 4 other people, and i'm proud and glad that i got to be on stage with all of them and not anyone else. they're the best khaka partners i could have ever gotten((: lau you guys so manyyyy<333 and kudos to jermainexxzzxz for sitting down at the audience and cheering for khaka(yes i saw and heard you). lau you toooo! not forgetting my byybyy, marinnah's byyyy, and loshy's karthik, the 3 best bfs for being there<33 heh. because of ALLL THEESEEE PEOPLEEEE, i don't have ANY regrets AT ALL, for my short 2 mins performance on the stage. not ONE. it was the best the khaka khaka girls have done, i swear. not one hiccup, not one out of time, not one screw up. the fact that everyone said khaka khaka was the best dance, and that so many alumni came to take photo with us proves it ok. PROVES IT. WE RAWKED, RAWK, AND RAWKING. a hug goodbye to everyone marks the end of Puyal '08. my most memorable event in nyjc so far.

*the above is a reflection of a proud ICS member of nyjc*

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Monday, February 11, 2008
9:46 PM

the idea of not living where i live now is so surreal. quite unbelievable actually. it never really occured to me that one day, one day not so far away in the future, i'd have to move out. but i guess it's something i'd have to learn to accept. it's almost finalised that we're renting out this place n living in a hdb.

other than the fact that it's really inconvenient to go to school from here, i'm kinda very atuned to the living in this area. right here. in fact, it's not really THAT inconvenient to go ANYWHERE from here. even if it IS the east. considering i live next to the expressway, and there's buses using the expressway, everywhere's like about 45 mins away on a good day. the problem is certainly not the downgrading and paiseh part. i dun really care if i live in an attap house or palace. i dun even c what's so humiliating to be living in a hdb. BUT. i. really. love. my. room. really. i've never seen another room more perfect for me than this room. i mean yaaaa, apart from the fact it was designed for me.. it's just.. homely?? the kind of room where i feel like so at home once i step in and shut myself in.

and really, after the acculumation of belongings, i really doubt i can take everything to the smaller room. and worst of all. i rlli don't want to imagine somebody else walking all over my house, sitting in my living room, climbing my steps, strolling in my room like their grandfather house, sitting on my table, entering the partitioned area, using my bed, my cupboard, my everything, enjoying my roomly comforts. i have no idea how my parents can so nonchalantly decide to give this place up. okay, mayb the monetary area is of that much higher concerns. but i really don't want... really.. please don't say i'm a fucking spoilt brat because i'm not.. i bet i'm gonna cry the day i have to go..

seriously. everything's getting so expensive and it's really affecting me straight in my face so i'm gonna complain about it. WHYYY. MAY I ASK, WHYYYYYYY is EVERYTHING getting so freaking expensive, ie. food, transport, erp, EVERYTHING? WHYYYY?!??! yes i know singapore's developing, we're doing better. more ERP because more cars. but. BUT. WHO'S GRANDFATHER'S GONNA INCREASE OUR WAGES SO WE CAN PAY FOR ALL THE INCREASE INCREASE INCREASE?!?! isn't like some kinda bad imbalance?!?!?!? got demand for more money but NO SUPPLY RIGHT?? alot of cars=alot of jam=more erp= pay more. BUT BUT. with more erp=use alternative route=longer journey=makan more oil=top up petrol more often= PAY MORE ALSO RIGHT?!?! tnnd with all the new implementations no matter wat STILL PAY MORE. PAY PAY PAY PAY PAY. PAY UNTIL U DIE OSO MUST PAY FOR COFFIN. DIE ALREADY GO HELL STILL MUST HAVE HELL NOTES. life. is so... never mind.

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Sunday, February 10, 2008
3:36 PM

chinese new year, the best time to blog..

actually not really. i'm just trying to buy time from studying transition metals. this yr's ang bao collection? quite pathetic. i just have to thank god that those who give blue notes gave more this year. it sorta compensates for the lack of quantity. i've only got 3 ang baos that have 4 or 6 bucks. plus plus. this yr no capitalT.T grandma pissed with somebody then no more le. zhen shi de........ but then again, my winnings made it up. so i guess i break even. (:

BUT GUESS WHO'S BIRTHDAY'S COMING N WILL GET MORE MONEY!! hehhhh.

the whole lot of us visited tanisha's place on friday. i swear her mom's the best. super nice please. only me n binggs were chinese, the rest were the indian gang. HAHA. we corrupted them with blackjack. fun fun. chinese new year means must have chinese tradition what. and the gambling sorta marked the end of chinese new year. PATHETIC MUCH??!!?

in another 4 days we'll all embrace the lovely valentines' day. it's a thursday by the way.
cant wait <3
(:

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Saturday, February 02, 2008
9:14 PM

in this post-modernisation era, reality has since become so, will, realistic. i really wonder why at that one point long ago(i forgot which era exactly), people actually started to believe in reality and felt it actually pulled them out of their darkness or something. it has to be so god damned naive. reality is just about FACING IT. cruel? maybe. but it's realistic.

i'm not writing some essay btw. it's just random.. i'll give a summary of the going-ons tho..

something happened duh. i didn't or cant sleep. went for dance prac. glad to be occupied. tired. feel like hell. tired. went to play pool. tired. felt retarded and momentarily rather amused at myself. tired. went grandma house. crappy. cabbed. apocalyptic. home. tired. so tired.

can u believe u can actually feel tired of crying? it's so mentally and physically straining, they should organise an olympics for it.

i lau the gladys'.. would've died w/o them.. i'm actually quite glad i had to go to sch today; i laugh with some people, and laughed at others. but at least i was laughing. hmmm. and i'm grateful i didnt fall flat on my face while dancing indian style today.

i'll get over it.

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Monday, January 28, 2008
7:53 PM

j2 life is like. hell. you live one day of your life just waiting for the another. it's a whole vicious cycle altogether man. my life is undisputedly non-existent seeing how 3 out of 5 days i end at 6, and i rush home, eat, bathe, and slp for the next day. ARE PEOPLE WONDERING WHY I HAVEN'T BEEN BLOGGING?!?! ok i've also been rather lazy, but stil...

give me a minute to think about anything to blog about

oh yaaa i think i've yet to announce it on my blog. joanna got drunk. like DEAD drunk exactly 2 weeks ago. my god. it's soooo liberating, you'd think we've surpassed america. the absolutely embarrasing things i did aside, it's definitely a MUST TRY in your life. at least once. IT'S SO MY MOTTO IN LIFE PLEASE. but of course, take caution in the fine print "you feel like shit after. LIKE SHIT."
i'm just glad my dad had NO IDEA i was drunk. you would have to run to the sudder street of calcutta just to find me.

oh n first bio spa is over. the bio spa i studied in like 2 hours(jesus bless me). and no prizes to guess who cheated in the chemistry retest today. WHO?? hmmm. oh mama i still crave durian rolls, all hail stupid tifen. haha

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Tuesday, January 08, 2008
10:31 PM

blogging have evolved to become something rather mundane in my life.. it's almost as if my mind has started it's very own protest against writing, or maybe even thinking itself. haha i dun even blog on the anniversary dates. haha SHIT. lousyness. i'll make it up this weekend. my weekdays have been rather packed thanks to the very time efficient i got this year. SHOOT ME PLEASE. i',m so dying. even occasional afternoon naps have become a strict nono. TO BE CONTINUED SOON(because im on the phone with you now-.-) ciao

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Saturday, January 05, 2008
4:01 PM

i actually had to pull myself from bed to go to the doctor and dentist. the damned clinic is some kinda company clinic so the placed was packed with those foreign workers and what not, so i had to literally wait my ass off. there was this indian guy sitting a few seats away from me and omfg his finger was glued inside his nostril or something. oh, wait. that's not possible cause if not he wouldnt be able to SCREW IT INSIDE DIGGING ALL HIS PI SAI OUT. and that's nt even the worst part you know. after he finished unloading the day's load, he deported the load from his finger to the surrounding. by surrounding i just mean around him(i hope), cause he FLICKS IT so i have no idea where it ended up. after that gawking session i continued to wait. then i felt the glass behind shake violently. i was still thinking bloody hell who has to lean against the wall so violently, and KEPT DOING IT. so i turned around and omg. this chinese guy looked like he was having a seizure or something. but by the time i looked at him he only jerked like twice so i didnt know whether i shld go get the doctor or not(even tho we were already in the clinic). and most shocking of all was when he stopped jerking, he seemed perfectly normal. he slid upwards and sat perfectly upright in the chair. hmmm. i have no idea if it was an idea of some kinda sick joke.

waited like an hour, was late for my dental appointment, was gonna go for my dental instead then they pressed my no. -.-. the doctor is shit man. he's like totally nonchalant, he's simply sweeping through his duties, prescribing the most common medication, not bothering wat the cause is, and dismissed me. seriously la. when my dad came he insisted for me to take n xray so i did and theres rlli nothing wrong with the bone. stupid ass la give him 100 years he oso won know whats wrong with my toe. wat a waste of money, tho i got to keep an internal view of my foot. smashing. lunch with the dad's family at some random place..

school's started, and it's already feeling so shitty man. my timetable's even worse than las yr's. how is tht even possible rite? T.T

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

i'm still lazy to blog. shall continue tmr.. heh

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Saturday, December 22, 2007
1:01 AM

italy italy am in italy.. venice actually.. the main island rlli travel by water de wor.. no cars at all.. haha the amount of bridges i cross here is same as the amount of road i walk.. spent one day in switzerland, nth much there.. temp was like -10 degress C.. -.- leng dao. actually most of the time is spent on travelling.. so quite sian.. 8 hrs train ride to venice.. ooooo I BOUGHT 2 HATS TODAY! my dad insisted on getting the witch's hat for me.. so yep.. =.= one thing i hate about cold weather(other than the fact tht u feel cold), is the skin rash thing.. my butt hurts. how cruel is that. i mean yo, the butt is kinda essential in day to day movements like sitting down. PAIN PAIN PAIN. searing through my rear end.

ohhhh yaaa! to binggie: teddy has a spot on his snout. T.T cuz i went to hug it and i din noe my lips were bleeding.. T.T zhen shi de scare me i thot teddy bleeding. BUT NO WORRIES i managed to get most of it off! only like a small dot left((:

okie dokie. CIAO.

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Wednesday, December 12, 2007
9:11 PM

i'm leaving in less than a week. and i have 9275959 million homework piling in my face. whoohoo! wats new yo. things have been like that every holiday since forever. lmao! but! there's rlli alot nehT.T so i've decided to try to clear as much as possible. so i started today. thanks to jermaine! she got me to go her hse. to study. so i'm started. I WILL CONTINUE OK. i think.. boo.. byeT.T

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Monday, December 03, 2007
5:30 PM

i just uploaded photos from my camera to my com. so decided to put some up!

SOME LAKE???

I THINK MY AUNT SERIOUSLY LOOKS CUTE HERE LA. (((:

NOW.

IF U READY TO

IMMERSE YOURSELF IN THE EXTRAVAGANCE OF KAYUMANIS NANJING...

PERFECT(:

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Friday, November 30, 2007
7:39 PM

haven blogged for rather long, been back from shanghai for 2 weeks le! been packed with chalets! first was wif the 4 of us den nxt was 0733 de. all fun! and i finally went back clubbing and binggie had his virgin experience. heaps of fun, that night. went abit out of hand tho. hmm. i finally had my biometric passport made. with a new photo. haha. so im quite sure this time i won't have trouble with customs. well, till next time..

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Thursday, November 15, 2007
10:16 PM

yesterday i SHUANG DAOOOOOO. XD yesterday had to be a good day. ride to qi bao gu zhen waas super short(shorter even than as expected). we managed to find the place where i last ate the scallop in the end. we ordered 33 scallops, 7 oysters and they gave us 6 free mussels. i ate like 11 scallops, 1 oyster and 2 mussels. SONG BO. spam lotsa dvds tooooo. then after the day of shopping n walking around, went for massage. it was pretty good. they totally managed to crack my neck n back. the sound was quite appalling though. the the masseuse(is this how to spell it??) pulled my arm back to bend my back and she couldnt pull any further cuz my back to flexible and she cant move back anymore. HAHA so she got quite a shock. ah wells. it was kinda cool when they put u up on their knee and spin u around like a baby. A GIRL CAN EVEN DO THT TO MY BROTHER MAN. they're so uber strong. honestly speaking, stepping on my back made it quite hard to breathe. ca..nntt... bbb..wweeea..fff*whizzes* ended the day with buying my books.

today's one day trip to wuxi with the tour group was shit as expected. with 4 equally noisy aunties again and this time in addition with a guy.OMG multi level noise pollution. but they're quite entertaining. everywhere they go they take picture. take like those 60s kind of poses somemore. then they're SUPER SLOW. the tour guide was like "ta men zai pai lian xi ju" LMAO. wl then they wear damn high heels oso can climb mountain wor, skill neh.

-------------------------------------------------------------

the above was a post i wrote like 2-3 days ago. but i din manage to finish writing or posting it cus my aunt used the com. i shan't finish it anymore. POINT?? none. yea.

------------------------------------------------------------

anyhowwwww. i'm here at the kayumanis resort in nanjing. it's really really pretty. it's the kind of dream home i want.. it's just lucky tht i was too tired to post yesterday or this whole thing would be in caps. it's THAT nice k. it's warm yet classy. we got the balinese themed villa, complete with a personal pool and jacuzzi, 2 bedrooms, 2 outdoor and indoor bathrooms connected in each bedroom, 3 huge LCD tvs, a dining table, a coffee table, a sofa, a great stereo system, and (i must include this) 6 FREAKING DOORS(not including the main door outside((:). i have a fetish for doors that aren't locked. i simply love running out thru one n out thru another, ending up in another room. it's totally fantasy. my aunt n mom were commenting how this place is perfect for affairs. it's winter, it's relatively new, and it's sooo freaking empty. i mean, the whole resort has 21 villas, and we're one of 2 villas that are occupied. PEACE, AND QUIET.

this place is really romantic.. serene.. and the lighting is perfect. the effect's not soooo strong at night, but it's great at night. i highly recommend this place. totally won't regret it. the price is a lil steep at nearly 5oo USD per nite tho. and the food's price which is like 888USD isnt worth it. food's not that nice. but yea the place is worth everything. going to shanghai tmr, and back to s'pore after that! can't wait! miss everybody! sarah! tifen! BISCUIT ORANGE!!! hahahaha. yepppp. so ciao for now!

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Tuesday, November 13, 2007
10:53 PM

one day tours in china are annoying. had to be ready and downstairs by 7 am. which idiot on holiday would like to wake up at 63o to go on a TOUR. the car that came to pick us from our apartment was rather comfortable. a CAR. so i was quite satisfied until i came to know that the car only took us to ren min guang chang, den after tht got ALOT more people n a big bus-.- the other people the car picked up was this couple from malaysia. THEY'RE HAINANESE. hahahaha. so went up the big bus.

OMG a bus FULL of chinese. ALL CHINESE other than the 3 of us and the 2 malaysians. i already felt like shit even before we left. there was a group of shanghainese women in their 50s/60s behind us. SUPER NOISY. dnno why they always talk like they're gonna fight, and super loud. so unglam. and we start on our 2.5 hr journey to wu zhen. they really have to give more credit to the in-ear piece than they have alrady done. it's sueper effective in blocking out unneccessary noise, even noisy chinese aunties. *big round of applause* doused myself in slow depressing music. somehow sadness is utopic in a way. i'm not even kidding.. i hate long bus trips. cause mostly i can't slp. and because the dua pui behind keep putting her hand on top of my seat and her fingers grazes through my hair oh so often. FUCKING GROSS. DO. NOT. TOUCH. MY. HAIR. UNLESS. I. GIVE. U. ABSOLUTE. PERMISSION. and you SO DO NOT have it. fucking annoying can.

and we had to eat at this ulu restaurant. SHARING THE FOOD WITH THEM OMG. i didnt wanna eat but my aunt made me. looking at everything alrady made me feel abso sick. the chinese guy spit IN FRONT OF ME ON THE DINING TABLE SOMEMORE. how to bring myself to share food wif them u tell me. no serving spoon somemore, even if have doubt theyd use it. and throughout the tour, this mad woman kept taking pictures of EVERYTHING and she kept pushing ppl to get to the front. a young lady act so kiasu so auntie for wat. URGHHHH.

after dinner went to the salon to wash n blow hair. the way they count the money is like weird la, every LITTLE thing also add money de. cheats. i was struggling not to laugh when the guy washed my hair. i dnno why but i had quite an urge to giggle. then here they like rub ur ears n neck oso. WITH SOAP ON THEIR HANDS. wth. feels good n ticklish. so throughout the way i wanted to burst out laughing. HAHAHAHA. brrrrr

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

lmao did more shopping today! the next few days would be more hectic with one day tours. eeks. i think my life here is rather mundane, pointless in fact. but still, xiao long baos are great(: my mom and aunt are like talking bout this ang moh guy n this china chinese lady. something about marrying him for the money or something like that. i can never understand why people would do that. it's crazy. you'd spend your life, or at least a few years with someone you don't love just for his/ her money?? won't you find it torturous? i can NEVER do that. how the hell can you marry someone you don't love? that's suicidal. it should be made illegal. really. the way they describe this relationship sounds so politically correct even irregarding the money fact. one of the reasons the guys is marrying her is because so far she's the only decent one he's met. WHERE'S THE LOVE IN THAT? lol maybe i'm too unrealistic for this world. but nvm. i'm happy enough(:

HOW TO SPOT A SINGAPOREAN IN CHINA:

WE'RE THE ONLY ONES WHO SPEAK IN BOTH CHINESE AND ENGLISH.

THAT'S HOW TALENTED WE ARE YO!

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Monday, November 12, 2007
11:45 AM

third dayyy! i haven't done anything but putting on my make up, fiddling with my hair, and eating bread talk. so.... yea.

yesterday was hugely spent in the salon. everybody did something to their hair.. i think mine did'nt turn out as expected-.- seriously the picture looked a thousand times better. AND I DECIDED AGAINST DYING MY HAIR, i'm so proud of myself. T.T DON'T ASK ME WHAT I DID TO MY HAIR YOU CAN SEE WHEN I'M BACK! but i just wanna say my fringe is much too short. zzz

GTG CIAO

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Sunday, November 11, 2007
12:27 AM

first day of shanghai trip ended with a massage! not bad... in the afternoon went to this hk cafe for snacks.. then all we did after that was shop. the s'poreans here rlli shop like mad(namely my mom's frens), it's mad. they rlli everything "JUST BUY LA ANYWAY SO CHEAP" aluhhmak nice wat. shopping is a pleasure(:

things i bought today:
a bag for school
a blouse which eccentuates everything. -.-
socks

quite pathetic i must say.. but WTH i certainly don't need winter clothes for summer wear.

and OMG. i witnessed an accident. this taxi crashed into this bicycle. quite scary and loud. but luckily it wasnt going so fast til go blood or anything la. but the bicycle guy stil FLEW GODAMNNIT. quite traumatising. zzzzz. my brother was like complaining the whole way about how we're going into every shop but he's the one who bought the most stuff in e end ANYWAY.

the people massaging us were quite intrigued by my hand even tho i rlli dun tink its nice at all. then they went into the whole i dun believe u're ur mom's daughter thing.annoying. does she look THAT young??? zzzzzzzz.

ciao for today

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Saturday, November 10, 2007
2:09 PM

i'm here in shanghai! erm zzZzz. had probs wif my damned passport photo at both changi and pudong. sianbo. i changed so much from the bali trip MEH MEH. scared the shit outta me. shall refrain from eyeshadows when im going back.

they had HSM2 on krisflyer ok!! altho i slept the first half away. hmmm. i just woke up from my nap. haha shall go shopping. MISS YOU BABY T.T

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Thursday, November 08, 2007
10:04 PM

SHALL WE DANCE is the love. you shld go watch it if you haven't. my mom should have asked me to go for ballroom dancing instead of BALLET la please. i dunno y she sooo wanted me to take ballet when i was a kid. it's so.... unexciting. until now, the only dance that i cannot seem to appreciate is still ballet. the rest makes my blood run wild in my veins. ok maybe chinese dance is also another one that's kinda boring. really. trust me, i so know.

i'm packing for my trip tmr now. i can't think of what to bring. I CANT BRING ALL MY NICE CLOTHES BECAUSE THEYRE NOT MEANT FOR COLD. bugger. i need some nicer looking long sleeveds. haiz.. 10 freaking days.. of.. i don't even know what. just as long as nobody drags me to some museum. i've had enuff of tht-.-

today's the 8th.. so i'm late by 2 days for my monthl anniversary post.. but since i alrady gave u one hell of an essay for a message the other day, i'm sure u won't mind darl(: HAHA. 6 months have passed and into the 7th.. the 6th month was erm.. quite.. nvm. but but! 7th month n thereafter would be quite funnn! so so! hang on for another 12 days, n it'll be over! and i'd be back by then.. at this rate i can't survive without u but i'll TRYYYYY when i'm over there((: i'll miss you like crazyyyyy!! i'll be looking forward to spending time with you when im back n ur exams are over<3

till then, i love you.. AND U'D BETTER MISS ME TOO XD

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Monday, November 05, 2007
1:37 PM

here i am, drinking my top grade pu-er when the dj says, 'i'll go drink some warm water to clear up my nose.' yea i need my hot tea to clear up my uterus. but pu-er's grade! the higher grade ones i mean. i bought a packet at chinatown a few days ago, with this personal cup/pot thing with filters and stuff. so i can drink tea in my own room. finally we have some tea worth drinking in this house. i think the past tea leaves left me sick with bitterness in my mouth. eurgh. i don't even know where we got them from. maybe from my backyard. hmm.

now. before i faint on my chair from the damn cramps, i want to make one thing clear. I DO EAT ENOUGH VEGGIES EVEN THOUGH I DUN TAKE THE RAW ONES ALRITE. why do u think my parents NEVER ever had to worry or ask me to eat more vegetables? and my parents are rather concerned on the vegetables and fruits part ok. CUZ THEY'VE ACTUALLY SEEN ME EATING VEGETABLES. LIKE EVERYDAY. so bug off if ur insisting i shld eat more veggies when all the times you've seen me eating is in western restaurants, fast food chains or subway. cause damn it, ALL THE FUCKING VEGETABLES ARE RAW AND THEY MAKE ME SICK. is that my fault i puke when i ingest raw vegetables??? it's not like i dont/never try man. the next time u wanna comment on my lack of vegetables, pass me some raw veges, watch me ingest it, and wait for them to come right back up in the next 5 minutes.

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Sunday, November 04, 2007
10:56 PM

i've been busy making the other 9 fingernails as shiny as my left middle finger. i've never knew the regular buffers u buy at 2 bucks in those accesory shops cld have such effect, and i'm the owner of 2. apparently all these while i haven been rubbing long and hard enough. ah wells but the 30 bucks set was much shinier and easier.. i'd just have to make do.

i haven nothing to complain about today, so you shld be glad. ok other than the fact that my adidas(old) shoe keeps giving me blisters and today, it honoured my left foot with a huge one, and my right foot with a small and a big one. nice. went for the free trial at fitness first at paragon today. it's pretty posh and well equipped. the guy showed us around then me and tifen went to run abit. after tht was sauna and steam room. omg u know ppl in the changing room seriously jus stand there naked. ah wells. the perks of life. anyway anyway! i have no idea how people survive the steam room. the moment we stepped inside, i couldn't breathe. it was hot and uber humid(well duh, steam). it's like every breathe i take, droplets of water is taken into my lungs, slowly accumulating, waiting for me to drown internally. it's totally torturous. we stayed in there for 30 seconds. then tried out the sauna instead. there, it was just... hot. i could still stay in there awhile. but once i tried to take a deep breathe cuz i was starting to suffocate. then the heat burnt my larynx. and i decided against doing that again. tifen nearly died so we went out.

after that put some clothes back on and went for the pilates session. i think these kinda slow, 'relaxing', calm(??) kind of exercise doesn't suit us. at all. it reminds me of dance sessions in pri school tho. hmmm. but, then, my legs were much shorter, and bones were not that solid yet. after the whole gym thing, met sarah at toys r us. i'm still quite bedazzled by toys r us. the amount of toys is cool. dinner was popiah at cousin's place.thaks to the exhaustion, at least i'm hoping i'll get one good night's sleep after like so long. i can't even slp properly nowadays danggit. leaving in another 5 days.. n i haven't even told paul tan LMAO. WHAT.E.VER.

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Saturday, November 03, 2007
11:37 PM

i realised at this point of time every single night for the past few nights, here i'd be, ranting my god forsaken ass off for some picayune matter that probably is not even a matter just tht im making it one. but hell yea, tonight's no exception. i know rantings of a pms-ing teenager isn't exactly exciting much, but too bad, jus fuck off if you will. i watched this show coupla months back with the actress acting as the nanny in the show called "the nanny" if you people remember or even watched it, when i was like 7, so tht'll be somewhere in the 1990s, acting in it. her daughter(in tht show) apparently suffers from a catastrophic case of pms every month and seems like the doc said the solution would be birth control pills. i can only suppose the hormones birth control pill causes u to spurt also controls pms. but on a personal note, i would think a great dosage of endorphin would suffice thank you very much(preferably not in the form of cocoa as it brings the cellulite).

well anyhoooow, my mom called like half an hr ago. now, before u jump to any conclusions, she didn't screw me or anything, literally and practically(eew). she was like "auntie jinnie can bring u all around".
.
.
.
"AUNTIE JINNIE'S COMING MEH?!""ya didn't kor kor tell u?"

well, no, why would he, since when has ANYONE told me anything. seriously i don't know what's up with my brother. i haven hated my brother for AGES, normally i jus ignore him, but this is the first time i've hated him in a murderous kind of way since the time he nearly broke my wrist due to the fact i wouldn't give him strepsils(n he was in secondary school alrady mind you). i swear if i asked him why he didn't tell me auntie jinnie's coming, all he'll say would be "huh u dnno meh, i thought mommy will tell u." GRRRR. he always makes an ASS out of U and ME. but mostly, i think he only makes an ass outta ME, since well, i'm the only idiot that doesn't know anything AFTER ALL. [ps: i love my aunt alot and really love it with her on the trip. i'm just annoyed that i'm never informed]

just a few days ago, i was at home(like duh). so asked maid to cook lunch. then she gonna cook finish alrady then he come down, saw the maid cooking and went "u asked the maid to cook ar? daddy's bringing us out for lunch" OMFG it took me SO much jus to avoid throwing my book at his face. "why u never tell me??" "huh u didn't know meh? i thought daddy told u ma." -.-llllll SO HE KNOWS TO TELL THE MAID HE'S NOT EATING, BUT WON'T TELL THE MAID NOT TO COOK LUNCH FOR ALL OF US LA. THAT WOULD'VE BEEN RATHER CLEAR WOULDNT IT, AND IT WOULDN'T EVEN INCLUDE HAVING TO TALK TO ME. really, he's so smart, so i don't know whether he's being so dense on purpose, or he's just really this dense after all the maths and science. he totally looks like the kind who wouldn't create trouble for people, but SERIOUSLY, maybe i'm just paranoid, but SERIOUSLY, i think all this while he's been doing me in ever so subtly whenever he got the chance to.

i haven't lamented on this since forever. perhaps i've alrady gotten used and resigned to the fact that I HAVEN'T REALLY GOT A BROTHER. the las time he'd actually been a brother to me was when i was 1-2 or something, and i had to know it throught visual evidence that is a video. ok nvm the fact that he bullied me when we were kids, i suppose some would still consider it affection. but seriously, adolescense was just ignorance. i rmb the first time i learnt to take public bus, my mom made him teach me. so he had to like bring me n stuff. HE LIKE WALKED SO FAR AHEAD I COULD HARDLY SEE HIM and he got on the bus n stuff without bothering whether i'd managed to follow. yo, i was TEN and never been on public bus before?! and sec 1. he was the one who had to show the route like which bus to take etc. on the bus HE REFUSED TO SIT WITH ME OK like i was some major loser he'd die of utter humilliation and embarrassment if he was seen with me. okay, i was sec ONE, nerdy and ugly and short. but hey, LOOK WHO'S THE LOSER NOW. i'm not saying i'm cool or anything, but at least i'm not the one my dad's worried i won't do something about hair which looks like a patch of grass, or back that's always hunched, or a face that has scars all over or that at the age of 20, has yet to reach the stage of chasing girls or having a gf even though my dad had started by the time he was 17. so i don't see what's so embarrassing having a sister, unless ur forced to mention to ur rj/hc friends that she's in nyjc.

i used to be rather jealous of my cousin cuz her brother seriously cares and dotes on her. tho sometimes he can be a jerk but YOU CAN TELL. but ah wells, i guess my bro wasn't the one who went all those many years ago "mommy, brady has a sister, i also want... i promise to take good care of her". my bro probably didn't even want nor expect someone else in the family. SO SHIT, I'D JUST HAVE TO DEAL. as usual.

omg i think i've just gone mad. i must be mad. am i dying??

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Friday, November 02, 2007
11:17 PM

i'm gonna beng kui soon. it's totally mental. whyyyy is the 24th suddenly all booked. whyyyy can't everyone choose a good date. and whyyyy did i bother thinking of a chalet in the first place? omg sarahhhhh tifennnnnnnnn jaslinnnnnnn can we like go for chalet together, and agree on a date, instead? i figured 4 ppl is easier than a whole class.

SO FRUSTRATING. i think i'll jus go cry. emo and over it.

grr.

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

i think my case of pms/boredom is quite a tragic one. i actually rejected jasmine on a shopping outing. wth is wrong wif me. okay to comfort myself, it prolly has alot to do with the lack of funds seeing as how i haven't got myself a single job, not to mention earn even a dollar. i was thinking about a few months ago when i HAD to like study. u know, cus of promos n stuff. n here i am now wondering if it'd been better then than now. how depressing. i was watching kids central, lamenting how lame i am. i'm 17. 18 in another 4 months, but i'm watching lame cartoons about dinosaurs on kids central. but then i thought it wasn't my fault i'm one of the unfortunates that do not have cable. then again, if i had cable, i would be watching nicklodean and disney, so it wouldn't have made that much of a difference anyway.

anyway now im quite busy. trying to plan my trip all the way the other side of the world just to book a freaking chalet, and get somebody to make the long trip with me. seriously, you'd think with the kind of techno-savvy society we live in now, u could book it through the phone or online. but noooooo just because u carried a voucher n wanted to use it, u had to personally drag ur lazy ass 1.5 hours away from ur humble abode. HAHA jermaine oh has willingly agreed to drag her ass together with me. coolness.

okie better go change. BYE.

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Thursday, November 01, 2007
9:09 PM

hurray. i've succeeded in feeling like shit. i think shit is an understatement. and the fact that i don't feel bad to the extent of catastrophic makes me feel worse. NVM.

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Wednesday, October 31, 2007
9:03 PM

- i have runned up $35.55 worth of LIBRARY fines. of which the bulk i can't even rmb i borrowed.
- my fingers hurt from folding straw stars which i can't even thread the ends into
- i'm sooooo bored, i borrowed 4 books from the school library and 4 from national, all are mindless stories.
- i lugged 10 books home in my not so big bag, on my not so strong shoulder, and ended up not so alive when i reached home.
- i slept for what seemed like 1-2 hours, feeling kinda tired yet refreshed enough for my eyes to protest closing again.
- i had a climax for this list, but now, i seriously can't rmb what. darn.

okie wadever. today's filming was, erm, quite a far cry from the almost flawless op we had yest. so ah wells. they should seriously let us have ngs, considering it would be shown to juniors as examples, and what's the point of having lousy examples rite. i ate subby again wif tanisha, jayme and tan's fren sok(hope i spelt it correctly). then shopped around. omg went to this small stall in j8 that was selling this bail buffing thing. e sales woman tried it on me and WTF it's like. whoooooaaaaaaa. it's just BUFFING ok, not varnish or anything, my nail's like totally SHINY now. i can like see my reflection through it. super amazing. i have no idea and no logical explanation how keratin can shine like that. i mean, she didn't use any kind of chemical on it at all ok, it's like totally natural keratin oil within ur nails n stuff. stuff u can't scratch off unlike varnish. i went to draw money, but by the time i drew it, i decided against spending another 30 bucks after the 35 bucks worth of library fines. i feel like shit now. my middle finger on my left hand is glowing mockingly at me for not buying the damn thing, while the other nine fingernails are just hanging onto my cuticles looking absolutely matted and gloomy. i hope i'm getting manicure in shanghai. throw in a facial please. and a haircut(nice one, of course), and hair colour. but actually, i'm quite satisfied with my hair colour now, being half on the red side and half on the natural hair colour side. i guess i shouldnt ruin my hair anymore, it's losing it's like neat and smoothness thanks to the effect of rebonding wearing out.

brought tan n fren to sph to collect some prize they got from calling in to 91.3. the system there was quite lame. walked to and fro the compound like 10 times as if my bag wasnt breaking my shoulders soon. at the bus stop waiting for 105, this old man in this magnifying spectacles came up to me asking for 80 cents. he said he needed to go to the old folks' home to pass the old folks food. i started digging for 80 cents when he went " wo3 deng3 yi1 xia4 zi4 ji3 zou3 hui2 lai2 bu4 yong4 jin3, ke3 shi4 xian4 zai4 yao4 qu4 yang2 lao3 yuan4 gei3 ta1 men2 dong1 xi1 chi1.." i glared at him. wl so old stil wanna "zi ji zou hui lai" from god knows where(from what i noe there wasnt any old folks' home anywhere nearby). super ke lian la. dunno what his family doing also. like give the guy 50 bucks can or not, take cab. so old alrady still make him take bus, siao ar, rock here rock there. if neccesary, i would give my grandma all i had for her to take a cab la, and not like she can take public transport in her condition. i love my grandma(: so anyways i gave the guy most of my coins worth 2-3 bucks i think. didn't give him notes tho since he was takin the bus. he very she2 ji3 wei4 ren2 lor, like thinking bout the other old people when he's not that young and full of vitality himself. of course, it did cross my mind that he might me cheating me, using the money to go eat, my dad and mom always say such stuff. but wth, it's jus a few dollars, and even if he used it to go buy food to eat or whatsoever, okay la eat la. he needs to eat also what. i think my parents would like nag at me if they knew. hmm.

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Tuesday, October 30, 2007
9:38 PM

we were requested to be doing a video filming for our OP. so i guess that's an A over here?!? puleaase?? OH YEAAAAAAAA OP RAWKED YO. the Q&A was kinda erpz tho. i was e only one wif 2 questions. dammit think my first ans was too short. first question was: 'there're also many needies in s'pore, but why did you choose khuan niang as the location for the overseas trip. ' but the second question was DA BOMB man. while sniggering at the same time, the examiner asked:' what do you think Bob Pierce would do for cip here?' like omfg, bobby dog's been dead for the past 30 years and i doubt he was ever in singapore despite travelling 10 months out of a year. SO GU YI LUH, im adamant that the examiner knew it's a crappy question and i think they were waiting waiting to see me come up wif something intrigueing enough-.- but nvm, at least they didn't snort or retort at my answer, which was reasonably lame enough.

so. EXAMS FOR THIS YR'S OVER BABY. and i'm leaving on the 9th of Nov. going to shanghai first. i SWEAR i need funds. i need at least 1k RMB. T.T where am i gonna get that this time man. be back on 18th. then leaving for europe on 16th Dec. i swear travelling on it's own makes ppl fat. must be the winter. your body intentionally creates blubber to keep you warm. adaptation and yet detrimental, how ironic. i shall plan my eating habits in china, things like; lor mai kai for lunch while mom's at work, xiao long bao and ocassional pasta around the corner of the apartment for dinner when mom's back, etc. hmm wonder whether there's stil any lor mai kai left there. OH OH i'm gonna have the best xiao long bao in the world tho. AREN'T YOU JEALOUS?!?! ha! =P

OMG IT'S THE BUY MY CAR AGAIN T.T burnnnnnn car, burnnnnnnnn!!!!!

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Monday, October 29, 2007
6:45 PM

"buy my car ah buy my car
buy his car ah buy his car"

BUY LAO SAI LA BUY. ALL IT MAKES ME WANNA DO IS BURN YOUR FREAKING CAR. this annoying mocha advert is like buzzing constantly on the radio nowadays. oh and jermaine, please do NOT list it under my top 10 most hated songs n sing it in lectures. i will. i repeat, i will, THROW YOU OVER THE ROWS OF SEATS AND MAKE SURE YOU LAND ON TOP OF WEIRD CHEM TEACHERS.

met up wif 0733 again on friday which was cool. lol. mind cafe then dinner at MOS BURGER-.- saturday tanning at sentosa wif shihui n lummy. and finally went to visit grandma. omg u know the coffeeshop cai peng stall sells fried TANGHOON?!?! that's like, ultimately cool. so yea i had that for dinner. yesterday e whole family(or rather what's left of it, which is 3 of us) went to eat pasta at sebawang hill food centre. yea, the pasta there is prolly the best outta all hawker pastas. but trust me i so would've preferred like say, THE HOLLAND V ONE WHICH I SUGGESTED?!?! but noooooo, must try somewhere new. poo-eee. OMG i just realised how long i haven used poo-ee. i think it's been a yr. anyways..... yea after that sent my only other sibling home while dad n i went tangs to get my mixer. finally. after a million years. n somemore baking stuff from isetan, followed by the seeker at lido.

soooooo, i baked some cake today with the all-new mixer. IT'S NICE OK. hahahaha. *feels proud* think this's the first time a cake i baked actually worked out. seeeeeee, i always said a mixer, or rather, a lack thereof, was y my cakes never turned out right.

oh yea, i'm still looking for a job btw. so any lobang pls drag me along. (: BYEEE.

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Wednesday, October 24, 2007
9:17 PM

i've been PROMOTED. that's kinda like living proof that miracles somehow do exist. my class, according to pt, was ranked 31st outta 36 classes, how cool is that. we have 5 ppl retaining. feel kinda sad luh, especially for jayme who's decided to go poly instead. she's like the one i'm closest to amongst the 5 since she's in our pw group n all. haiz.. will miss all her bickers with me, out of which she has won none, and her futile attempts at cheering me up whenever i'm having my down days. i think quite alot of ppl i know is retaining.. jiahao, lummy, and jasmine. woman, how can liddat.. we've always managed to promote one way or another since in nygh, and we've got through O levels with reasonable grades, and we stuck to each other choosing nyjc. from sec 3, to sec 4, from hating mdm tan, to being appreciative of what she's done for us.. and not forgetting our adoration of ms teo.. u retain jiu suan le, at least still same school, and who knows, maybe after block test nx yr i may choose to demote myself. but somemore u wanna go poly. abit sian ar.. but whatever it is you choose, i wish you the best i guess. and that you're making the best decision out of the situation.

that aside, my overall marks were kinda like shit thanks to my extensive S and U i've managed to clinch in this yr. so my promo grades, which i think were rather pleasant to the eyes, were totally pulled down. there's not one subject that's better than promos. onli math remained the same. how sad. my dad was lamenting how he thought E was the worst grade possible. and even when i told him it was a pass, he insists that 45 is below 50 n hence shld be considered a fail. ah wells, since when was what i did ever enough anyway? i should just be glad he didn't slam me with the 12(or it should be 30 by now) commandments and labelling me evil. i'm sorry, but i just can't and will never forget what happened 3 months ago. forgiveness is not in question at all. it's total irrelevance since i neither have the right nor the ability.

and mrs ng suddenly came to find me yesterday and i thought i was being retained. but in the end, it seemed she wanted me to make an announcement. why me, i'm equally bewildered but i accepted just the same. at least she told me what to say, i hate it whenever i have to come up with my own speech. and i hope i don't screw up my presentation for pw tmr. pt was emphasising that we should deliver 'a good one' tmr. he also commented that our group was the most articulate which gave me the hope of passing pw. he also wants the get an external teacher to grade us. shoot me please, i shld think pt was kinda enough.

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Monday, October 22, 2007
8:58 PM

jermaine insists i blog about today's most unfortunate event; CK TANGS WAS CLOSED WHEN WE WENT THERE AFTER SCHOOL TODAY. i nearly wanted to attempt break-in. it was some remembrance of the guy ck tangs or something. but i found it rather ironic actually. shouldnt tangs ppl be working HARDER, earning more profit for the company, rather than take one day off, prolly losing out to earn those few grands. AND SHOOT ME IF I'M WRONG, how many of the staff actually went around remembering their founder in all sombreness when they're prolly slumbering at home or shopping at some OTHER departmental stores. so jermaine and i was compelled to visit the next nearest store: isetan.

jermz had some sudden holy duty to buy some chocs for the whole class so she did just that and lunch at pepper lunch. then bought japanese mua chee thingy which i havent eaten actually but jermz seemed to find it quite erm, revolting. after that went to lug baking materials from her house to mine. and we baked. er, biscuits. it was fun lorz. i've never played with those moulds i have in my house since like 100 yrs ago, and i must say, they're FUN. so jermz would be meeting me tmr morning and we'll be the aunties with goodies in hope of pacifying ppl who'd feel like shit over tmr's promo slips. i hope i won't but god knows. that's why she went to slp ALREADY since she's always late in the mornings i meet her. lmao.

oh yea, my room lights works now. i decided to try it n it works perfectly fine. i wonder why. i just hope it doesnt explode on top of my head like it did a few days ago. *shudders*

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Sunday, October 21, 2007
10:57 PM

i've been immersing myself in the world of harry potter. quite lame as it sounds but it's mind- boggling. it's the only thing keeping my brain functioning properly anyways. other than that, the only thing i've done would be PW.

friday darling dragged me along(ok i willing agreed to go in the first place) to YMCA orchard for some acapella performance. rooftop. despite being rather grouchy due to the fact that i had not been able to sneak a bathe before i doned my make up and clothes and ran out of my humble abode, and was feeling absolutely dirty, wanting to tear the epidermal layer of my skin so badly, SOOOOO BADLY, i really enjoyed the performance. they reminded me profoundly of take six, but i found their show better cuz of the genre of music i guess. take six was more ghospel, and god knows how much i dun click with ghospel music( no pun intended, mind you). T'was onli 1015 when the show ended n after about half n hour later, finally frustrated n resigned to the fact that i wasn't going anywhere to hang out that night tho there's no one at home, i went home. OH B4 I FORGET, lmao thanks baby for the keychain and the stuff on it XD it took me awhile when u passed it to me to figure out what it was. haha quite innovative i must say.

yest was harry potter til at night when i went to meet sarah n tifen. dinner at DOME at dempsey. (note: darling, it's not THAT ex u noe, i paid like 15 bucks including gst n service charge) dessert at jones opp. the guy was so nice ok!! he gave us a glass of white wine called something smite finale. on the house. HAHA. it's the nicest wine i've ever drank my whole life. i usually dun take a kind liking to wine, but this, it was a little sweet yet sour and well, alcoholic. all in one. went over to dxo at night with sarah. thank god we were still considered early even at 1030 so we din have to queue. i wouldve died queueing. in all, dxo still rocks. crowd yesterday was mostly the younger ppl, i mean at least younger than us, wouldnt have expected anything more since it was an underage party. the guys were cute too. oh yea there was this elderly couple roughly in their fifties bobbing to the music ON THE DANCEFLOOR. they were like the ONLI ONES THERE somemore cause it was still early and the dj was playing TECHNO. hahahahaha farnie dao. the whole world was staring and laughing at them. but must say they're quite brave. party started at around 11. NICEEEE. was with the ny ppl and also sarah. haahha. I SAW ALOT OF NY PPL. omg. saw one from my lit class and another from my math class. and luting told me she saw soccer guys too. and i thought ny ppl dont club. ah wells, something i learn.

then gave up going to the interview at forever 21 to apply for a job. haha tired. ah wells.......

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Tuesday, October 16, 2007
9:51 PM

pt's been an abso bitch today, but shall not go into it. cause i would not like to re enact it. FOR THOSE OUT THERE WHO ADORE HIM OMG PLEASE WASH YOUR FACE WITH ANTISEPTIC LIQUID DETTOL BEFORE YOUR EYES/MIND ROT FROM HIS SHEER IMAGE. i think i have something on with male teachers. i haven't been tormented by teachers, since like sec 2 or something. *yells expletives* at least he can't tell shit bout my results to the parents now. his extent of blabberness is simply appalling.

which brings me to the topic. yes, we've gotten our promo papers back on friday. i have to be happy bout them since i only prayed to god for a pass which is 'E'. so now the nx thing is to pray for a pass in 2 h2s n 1 h1 subject for this yr's overall results. spasms of PW workload is deterring me from being too concerned about it though.

in my opinion, one day of throwing cash on registers of boutiques, getting the prettiest shoes and bags, an evening of spa massage, and one full night of DXO would suffice as love for this poor tormented soul of mine. well, it's just a thought...

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Sunday, October 07, 2007
2:28 PM

as expected, i did get fucked. it's seriously becoming increasingly cliched and annoying. actually i think i handled it pretty well this time, considering no tears nor blood were shed this time, at least on my part. think it's prolly cuz i knew this must happen, since it always does every single time she's back. and also i've learnt to accept that it'll always b like that, whether with or w/o professional help. so i made it clear that i will not talk as i've never done so, and i'm not psychotic. communication is impt, i'd agree, but i would do better without any of those from them.

but to set the record straight, i've never asked anything. i did not request for braces, i could do without them, do not forget who was the one persuading me to get them done. and i DID NOT ask for a new computer, don't forget who was the one who went"get new com". i've never really asked for anything regarding money, so far all i can think of is me asking to get out, that might seem unreasonable to an extent. i guess. oh wells, since i have a sibling, who, in comparison, IS that much more of an angel compared to me, so i guess i suck here.

i'm starting to love my blog. ppl were busy debating on the purposes of blogs, and some compared it to the norm of a written diary. that set me thinking. but here now, today, let me present my idea of my blog.

1: it's really useful in times of distress especially so, since i have a tendency, or rather, an inability to open my mouth to speak during those times.

2: to address the issue of blogs being public, well, my friends and perhaps some voyeurs get to know the issue when i simply keep my mouth shut.

3: keeping my diary on the net would have lesser chances of discovery by my parents as compared to a hard copy hidden somewhere in the house.(my mom usually manages to find stuff)

4: i totally feel less choked after blogging since i take that long to blog and time is the best healer.

5: writing is sometimes better than talking cuz my lovely blog waits patiently while i pen and type out my thoughts, without pushing me for an answer or busy digging it out of me. it just waits...

6: lazy ppl with bad handwriting like myself would take typing over writing anytime.

well, those are the little stuff i can think about for now. hmmm. okay bad headache. shall leave it here. ciao ciao.

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Saturday, October 06, 2007
9:21 PM

it's been kinda long. HIATUS ROCKS. nahhh, it just pretty much saves time. but anyhow, promos are freaking over, been over since thurs. but it took me 2 days to bring my lazy ass to sit in front of the com long enough to load the blogger page.

thanks to jermz, i actually studied on wed for my last paper: bio paper ONE. but please don't flatter yourself jermz(if you read this), cuz ur SCV was pretty distracting too lmao. thursday was a bomb. considering the paper was rather do-able. and i went OUT. omg i went out. went out wif byyyyyy! that makes things even the more jolly. cut our hair den got byyy a new set of clothes and went grandma place fer awhile. den dinner n the rest of the day/nite at sentosa. LET ME TELL YOU. i saw the most romantic thing on the beach okayyyy. there was this heart made out of rose's petals!!!!! soooo swweeettt luhhhhhhh. i think that guy totally proposed or something. too bad wasnt there early enough to see what was going on. hmmmm. anyway, had a really great end of promo celebration. thanks byyyy for everything! N.I.LIKE.THE.CEREALS.N.BALL.BALL.WORRRRRR!lol gonna makan finish le T.T

went back to sch yesterday to paint the banner, lugging my cramping stomach. luckily we were rather efficient n finished damn fast, or i'll just die there. went shopping after that wif my mom. bought some clothes. yayness.

i finally got my room cleaned out. *phew* it took me 3 hours. T.T i threw a whole lot of stuff away. went to watch chuck n larry at lido this afternoon. FARNIE DAO. it's hilarious de wor. den came home n horrors. there's alot of random ppl talking to me. i found out from where: imesh. i dl-ed imesh to get some songs i can't find anywhere hoping there they'll be. but apparently imesh is now some like myspace thingy with your profile stuff, so i just filled it in to use the program. wtf didnt know ppl could actually see it. THE PEOPLE THERE ARE LIKE DESPERADOS FROM THE SAHARA DESERT OR SOMETHING. every 5 FREAKING MINS my com will go " DING DING DING" to some conver box from diff ppl. it's so wrong la.can u like imagine limewire or wadeva, having ppl using it as some networking program?? like yo, that's not what I wanted. this idiot claimed he's cute, so i asked him to prove it. he sent me his photo. like FUGLY MUCH?? den he said something like girls look at that and think of love. *faints* sooooooooo. i uber bue tahan. so since i had so much time now, i opened up ulead photo express 3.0 and well, did some minor adjustments. i sent it back, n said " whoa, i can see why." ah wells. den blocked. end of story.

irregardless, today's the 6th and it's a good day thus(:

6 months and on the roll.....

recently things haven been quite T.T since first u had exams, then i had mine, now ur working towards ur As. so haven't exactly been seeing u that much i guess. but it's alrite, studies are more important! i'll wait patiently these one and a half months just to spend the rest of the time with you(: by then it'll be 7 months! quite amazing how it's alrady been half a year, going on to more than half a year, then perhaps reaching our one year! but then again, it's been only 6 months, and everything's quite stable n stuff! haha(: you're one part of my life now, n it's impossible to not have u around anymore, even more so with each passing day. i love you and i'm not just saying it! lol. grateful n glad that u were there to take care of this sick and full of germs girlfriend, n oso quite ): that ur body was engulfed with my germs later. i love and thank you for all those other little n big things you've done for me, things that i can only stare at you hoping you can see the emotion beyond the simple thanks in my eyes. sometimes i really don't know how you can do so much for me, like nobody else in this world, prolly not even myself, would have ever done or do. jiayou for As kayy! can de can de!!! haha u still got one month to catch up wadever's left! make this one month worth me not seeing you kk? *baobao*

feels like i can love you forever baby.. happy 6 months! <3

just to show that little edited photo...

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Thursday, September 06, 2007
10:13 PM

4th september was sarah chan's bdae!! happy bdae(tho its kinda late now but..) sarah! yup that was the last bdae of the year for the 4 of us! haha yayness. nxt one on the list? MINE. XD but thats stil a long 6 months away. went to pizza bar at holland V which was fantastic. i happen to order this abso soft n yummilicious pasta which suited my granny teeth very well. haha. i think the waiter was kinda shocked tho. tifen got him to wind this musical box which plays happy birthday to sarah. lmao.

yesterday i spent the entire day with a bunch of children. it was a cip trip. our job was to caretake a few children on their trip to the zoo, these children had some kinda background whatsoever. by background, i mean bad, not the rich and famous. i was assigned to these 2 adorable darlings michelle and lay teng. both, especially michelle were so so shy at the beginning so i was like oh shit. but after that, OMG SO CUTE. lay teng amused me with her wits while michelle surprised me with her affection. >.< cutenesssss!!! there are so many stories to tell about that trip, but i'll spare it here. but these children redefine "beautiful".

i'm rather tired now, and suffering from mild cramps so forgive me for this rather mundane post. the only reason why i'm even blogging now is cuz i wanna tell the whole world. IT HAS BEEN FOUR FREAKING WONDERFUL MONTHS. whoohoo! happy 4th baby(: i think this month has been rather exciting, what with your bdae and all! ehhhhh u break my chain of thoughts cannnn. why you talk to me when i'm posting this very paragragh T.T WAHHHHHH T.T u shag cuz of that prettaye picture book!! booooooo. thankkk youuuu for having such dedication in this relationship(and yet i wonder how we, or rather, i, can actually last 4 months)(: i love it! i must make a mental note to myself to go buy a pretty pretty box to put alllllllllll our memories in, yupyup! you're so much more nitty-gritty than me i suppose *pouts* lmao. i love you! i love your eye bags and THS too!! AHAHAHAHA.

okie dokie nokie. the pierce on the top of my right ear i got today, with you, will be the official mark of our 4th month anniversary. that makes me feel EXTRA COOL. yayness!

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Monday, September 03, 2007
4:55 PM

big news so far. i got FOUR teeth extracted and EIGHT highly annoying rubber bands stuffed in the crevices between my molars.

it was rather intrigueing i would say. the extracting part i mean. e amount of injections i had yesterday was wayyyyy more than i've ever had in my whole life. so there i was, spastically in convulsions as i saw the goddamn needle. but it was pretty ok. everyone knows how much i love injections. i continued my convulsions when i sensed the pliers quickly approaching, desperately assuring myself when i thought i was gonna pee in my pants any moment. like HELLLO it's not as if it's a daily affair that u get ur teeth that's been with you for like 10 years PLUCKED AGAINST IT'S WILL. i'm pretty sure my teeth were happy where they were thank you very much. the reason behind it? to push back my entire front of my teeth. oh god.

after that's done, my lips were totally numb for the next few hours. the cool part was it totally felt foreign. like foreign lips n all, n it totally gives u a chance to make out with urself, feeling is so real n all. admit it, u cant do that any other time XD on the down side though, U HAVE NO FREAKING CONTROL over ur drooling n stuff. oh god. u have no idea how retarted i looked. i had to carry a tissue around to prevent any saliva from drooling out. u won't even know if ur drooling. i was drinking water after lunch den my legs suddenly felt wet. i looked down wondering where it came from, n more CAME POURING DOWN LIKE RAINFALL. bugger. ah wells. it was erm new and captivating at certain points.

today's been a bitch cause of the rubber bands. i cant CHEWWWW T.T i cant even bite vegetables okay. so my diet would basically revolve around porridge and instant noodles that are soft enough for me to swallow with ONE BITE. so there. pathetic state. hmpf

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Saturday, September 01, 2007
8:17 PM

i SWEAR i'm this close to setting my desktop on fire. i'm using my laptop now fyi.

What's wrong with my desktop:

1) it restarted itself

2) it couldnt read my external hard disk

3) the internet takes 15 mins to "warm up" b4 i can use it

4) after the com restarted, double clicking on an option meant opening it's properties

5) after the com restarted, there was no internet

6) i can't do ANYTHING on it

there. 6 small little problems. damn small, damn little. omfg. why can't my parents simply buy A WHOLE NEW COMPUTER SET WHERE EVERY SINGLE DAMN THING IS NEW AND IT WOULD NOT SCREW UP ON ME IN ANY PICAYUNE MANNER. as i see it, my bro's new com is DOING EXTREMELY WELL. they always give me some stupid lousy shit WHICH COCKS UP IN A WEEK after which they get me ANOTHER LOUSY SHIT. *bangs head on table* not to mention, joanna tan here, is nowhere near being a com expert, i just happen to know how to OPERATE ONE. so, even attempting to solve problems is an extremly uphill task for me. god save me, please? i shall buff up my skin a little and demand a new com for my next birthday. like half a frigging year away.

that aside.

today's dental appointment's the coolest. haha. the x ray made me dizzy n all. they shld rlli invent something less detrimental u know. the radiation from the x ray totally mutates ur proto-oncogenes and tumour suppresant genes, causing continuation of ur cell replication etc etc. and as everyone knows, that will give u cancer. i know im being paranoid, cuz u won get cancer from taking an x ray ONCE. but, u noe, after learning all about it, i was freaking out today. i was like "omg omg. this better take one second. e longer it takes, god knows whats happening to all my proto-oncogenes and tumour sup genes 0.0" i could literally feel my insides go haywire as the radiation hit me. but ah wells. it was just a thought.

after that the dentist had to get e mould outta me. that thing is cool. it smells like strawberry(i think they're supposed to deter ppl from puking while having it in ur mouth), but it tastes erm absolutely bitter. it was pink when it went in, and yellow when it came out!! wowness tell me thats cool tell me thats sooo cooolll!!! and it onli took like 2 mins to change colour and state ok! i wonder if it has anything to do wif oxidation. haha i doubt. but yeaaaaa. sooo after he did e bottom set, i was darn excited to see the top set(: just to make sure i didnt confuse myself with e colours. my dad insists e change in colour is due to being intoxicated-.- how nice.

thats all the cool part. haha but im gonna go back tmr to c e orthodentist. ah wells. this time i doubt it'll be all that cool anymore T.T (especially if it includes extracting anything from my mouth). went to grandma hse after that. on e way home, the radio was playing all the coolest songs of the century. argh. shuang diao. lmao. *waits til exams end patiently*

hmmmmm....

sooo

is it over yet?!?!

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Friday, August 31, 2007
7:45 PM

happieee teachurrsss daeeee!! there ain't rlli any teacher i'd like to hug n kiss, wishing happy teacher's day to in nyjc. but there's plenty in nygh! day started out with JERMAINE. haha she took e same bus as me today, apparently i was supposed to help wif her bulky bag, but there was onli ONE. soooo, i hav to say i wasnt much of use. *turns red in embarrasment* then sch started wif ACES(all children exercuse simultaneously, tell me tats lame) day workout. IT WAS KINDA FUN U NOE. it was body combat. i did abit abitttt! exciting! then was the concert. furst was drama skit. too bad mikes were much too soft. and after that we had erm, 2 bands. the first one, the whole band was kinda T.T, the second one was good except for the SINGER. omg. they sang SWING SWING, and there's e falcetto part. and oh god bless me he was soooooo sharp, it can pierce thru anything >.< i'm not even being mean la. i saw ppl throwing tissue at him XD i'm uploading e video, if u can hear it.

got dismissed at an early 10. WHOOHOO. somebody pangseh me, sooooo. i decided to follow foo foo. haha in e end JERMAINE came too! went to nygh. ooooooooooooo. i nvr thot nygh would rock that much, but yea, it rocks THAT MUCH. saw ms chua, ms teo, yang lao shi, zhong lao shi, ms lye, etc etc. saw TAN TIFEN THERE. omg woman pls tame ur boobs pls, especially when u're hugging me. PAINNNNNN DEEEEEE. oouchh. after tht followed foo foo to peihua. bored so left with JERMAINE to btp to cut her hair at monsoon XD

omg e trip to e saloon wif jermaine was absolutely invigorating. her hair now is like the newest abstract look. cooooll. haha CHECK OUT DA BOMB-ED DOWN THERE. hahahaha coolness man. but i think when it grows a lil longer it'll look so much erm. normal. hahaha. jermaine wanted lao gong's bare prospects of her new cut. so went up to find him. HAHAHAHA. stil e same whaaat XD oopsie daisie. dun sad kay!!

travelled down to town. and i tell u, i'm getting so many shocks in a day, i dun even know whether my heart's stil in working condition. sarah. chan. yu. qing. has got a cute cupcake tattooed on her chest. ahhhh. haha kinda tempts us all to get one. haha. after meetin jaslin too, went LA SENZA. oh my holy above( i think i'm using 'omg' at nauseum), theyre having sale! so i bought 2 bras! haha exciting. everyone's kinda shocked i haven shopped AT ALL since june or somethin. i'm cool. lmao. went down to wheelock with tifen as well. ate fish n co.

yeppie. i rlli enjoy old company(: feels more genuine and real. so thanks tifen jaslin n of course miss tattoo for bothering to come together again!

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Sunday, August 26, 2007
9:24 PM

it's so aimless. today, i mean. argh. what e vaaaaaaaa.

i guess i'm gonna sleep earlier. feel like shit, literally. i've been having the runs the whole day T.T peristalsis is practically not needed in the presence of gravity. and the worst part was i puked out all e haagen daaz belgian choc i had after dinner. oh my freaking god. n that was the last of the tub. *scream wails bangs head on table*

the only conclusion i got was that it's food poisoning. from what? i dnno. all i had today: lunch, 2 biscuits, soyabean, dinner, HAAGEN DAAZ. but the shit came straight after lunch. sooooo i seriously HAVE NO IDEA how E. Coli or wadeva got in there.

wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh HAAGEN DAAAAZZZZZ
T.T

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Saturday, August 25, 2007
7:49 PM

i know i haven blogged in ages. BUT TODAY MUST BLOG. why? well, cause today is a day worth remembering((: hehhh went to celebrate lao gong's bdae today! bdae on 27th but aiya who ask me to have sch on monday): till SIX somemore T.T

today's a uber happy day fer me! cause i can have so so so much fun and so so so so much time wif laogong without having any concerns at all! yay, daddy din bother me at all! so nice... (((: baby took e first bus over!!! den we walk walk!! haha omg it's like morning exercise rite?! coolness.

rest of the day was spent at AMK mostly. colin gave me e money OMG THANKS. somebody's feeling rich.. lalalala. spammed movies! watched hairspray. zac efron was cute, but THE BLACK GUY'S CUTER. haha i dnno, jus find him kinda charismatic. it's amusing watching john travolta dragging a huge ass and shakin away.hmmmm.

after that watched ra-ta-too-ee. LOL. CUTEEEEEENESSSSS! but i think e movie like dun rlli hav climax.. soooo. yea lo, but the rats and movie was kinda cute n lame at e same time. haha-.- o YAAAAA. JO GOT HER SUBWAY!! like yummy! woohoo! love e onions in them(: the subway guy was kinda laughing at how i din wan any vegetables at SUBWAY, so i decided to get some onions. which tasted fantabulous in e end XD maybe, maybe, one day i'd love raw veges. *tries to look 20 years in the future*

played pool. trashed lao gongggg!! XD harhar. oopsie daisie. haiz but got bao ying de lor for trashing bdae boy. my right big toe was retardedly mutilated by who else but ME. i was playing bare-footed cuz i was wearing wedges. i scored or something, then i jus let go of the cue stick, planning for it to drop to the ground. but who knows, the nx thing, i could feel a short, no, long sharp pain on my toe. the damn thing was below the cue stick. i can't help but bemuse at my spasticality. now that i look at my toe, it actually looks kinda bad. a whole chunk of meat split and got pushed downwards near the nail. n i can see blood clots below my nail that's yet to grow. and yea, blood plasma is coming out now. blood plasma, not blood. how saddening. then when i thought i could never get any more retarded, i whacked my face straight onto the stick and sent the light above trembling away at my violence. there you go, joanna's dope-ish actions of the day!

arcade was erm provocating. i lost at almost everything other than daytona. *feels proud for winning at least something* hahahahaha. whhheeeee. so i'm happy! evening at e hdb opp my hse! thanks baby for the recording and the rose!! "thank you" would nvr be able to represent what i feel but it's the closest thing i can find. i don't know why you did all those for me when it's YOUR bdae, but i was absolutely pleasantly surprised. really. i really really love what you've done for me, nobody/nothing can compare. haha that made me feel kinda bad that ur bdae celebration hadn't rlli been anything so special, considering we spent most of our time at the cinema n arcade.. i'm not rlli good at making anything else, so yep all i could do was the cross stitch which I DIDN'T FINISH TOTALLY T.T but trust me when i say i rlli want you to have the best bdae ever - from the bottom of my heart.

HAPPY<3

EIGHTEENTH<3

BIRTHDAY<3

MY BABY,

MY LOVE,

MY LAO GONG,

MY EVERYTHING<33

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Friday, August 10, 2007
9:18 PM

i had my million dollar hair cut yesterday! ok, it was 28 bucks, but good nevertheless. decided to make her my permanent hairstylist. tip to ppl out there: if ur gonna go for jantzen, the one at westmall is always the best, but avoid the JP one. it's full of noobs.

foo came over today to exp her stuff. have i ever mentioned i abhor copha?? it totally has the same physical properties as hexane/decane. at least the 'oil never goes off' part. anyway, in e end the whole thing was a little to watery. so yea, kinda failed.then jasmine spent the nx 2-3 hours mixing this bowl of egg+lots of sugar, which in e end came out like. errrrr. jasmine, u have no talent for baking/cooking. i was telling her i would lmao if it didn't turn out right. and yea i had to pick my ass off the floor countless of times. :b my father was too busy to go get my new batch of painkillers from my family doctor, so i had to endure my god danggit cramps with minimal aid from cheap panadol. pfttt. ah wells, i should just be glad it wasn't bad enough to make me pass out again.

then foo foo had to make brownies as pacifier. sooooo. got my maid to go get eggs. and yep, brownies on the way. somebody, i wouldn't say who but somebody took my word for it when i said it was vanilla ice cream. and later took it to be chocolate ice cream. haiz, baby ar babyT.T after that spammed bridge. HA. niceness altho i kept losing XD yupz, won a buck from blackjack. sooooo. the whole day was spent having fun! tmr gotta pia hw! yayyyyy. took a break. haha.

went bpp wif baby, got his hair cut( this must be my most hated time of the month/2 months). HAHAHA. jk luhhh. it doesn't look that bad. just wait for it to grow a lil(: n i collected my jeans.

oh yeaaaaa, almost forgot. somebody was attempting to call into 987 to win some tix. but nobody ever picks up. so for those who ever thought about calling in, i have 2 words to say: DON'T BOTHER.

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Monday, August 06, 2007
10:17 PM

today's been a jolly day. i mean, HEY, LOOK AT THE DATE MAN. haha. today's the longest day of the week but i guess since the long lonng weekend is coming, it gives me more motivation to carry on my day. people have been lamenting that i'm moody. coughs. T.T but come to think of it, there's truth in that. i have had alot of downs in jc. so i guess cheery joanna is gone. tingxi would have to quit calling me bubbly, how sad. haha.

today we( the 3 dogs), have evaluated all of our names, having come up with some new ones. just because i was sleeping during lit, one of them gave me "sleepy". soooooo, the dark dog became "fatty"(i don't know y), and the half breed is "baby" cause she's the youngest. HAHA. then after that i have no idea how powerpuff girls came into the picture-.- but anyway, now other than our actual names, we have those little funny names. me being sleepy, white cow, fern, and bubbles. HORRORS. ahhhh wellllls. i really bemuse at their creativity. roflmao.

anywayyyy, as i was saying, TODAYS DATE. IT-IS-SOOOO-THE-6TH. soooooooooo.

HAPPY 3RD MONTH ANNIVERSARY MR CHOO BING CHENG aka MY BABY!
like, wowwww.
it's been three months. hmmmm. that makes 92 days(:
never been in a relationship so long,
and never been happy cause of one thing for soo long.
but because of you,
i have!

that makes me uber proud.
b'cus someone's loved me for that long,
and i've loved that someone as much and for as long.
even more so, when so many things happened during this one month,
basically my parents,
and we're still going strong, stronger.
you were there,
that's all i needed,
and that's what i had.

if someone asks me why i love you so much,
i'd probably speak the truth; i don't know.
but just know one thing;
i love you more than anything in this world,
just you...

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Tuesday, July 31, 2007
10:12 PM

lemme tell you something GROSS. i was printing my chem notes n stuff. i've been noticing these brownish paper like things coming out wif the paper but i thot it was some kinda paper tht was stuck inside since ages ago. only TODAY, did i find out what that was. the brown stuff came out again luh. so i took a torch n got a closer look. THEY'RE REMNANTS OF A BLOODY COCKROACH. kill me. i saw feelers n legs n stuff. T.T traumatising. my room has all the creepy crawlies nowadayssss. e other day my bro helped me catch this baby lizard that was audaciously crawling around my TABLE.

on a random note, i swear i'm never gonna be late for school again(i hope). i reach school at like 645 now. HAHAHAHAHA. wat kind of dog am i. n i like it luhhh. i mean, i leave home when its dark, and i reach school it's still dark. the darkness is uber appealing. really wish it can be that dark the whole day around. that way joanna will be a much happier person.

other than that, i rlli have nothing better to say other than ramble on about the drama shit. but i'll deal. sooooooooo.

bye.

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Saturday, July 28, 2007
10:13 PM

mom called and emailed me this humongously long email. what she said was annoying and depressing at the same time. u may say it is just what parents do. but they are my parents. and when they say things like that, it means they're really giving up. they're not simply giving me a chance to proove myself independent. in fact, it's not that at all. i've been thinking for hours on end how to explain this situation, but i figured it's all jumbled up; too messy, too complicated, unable to convey in words. i give up even trying to figure it out, since it's giving me a headache n taking up a hell lot of time. as long as i know whats the feeling like, and i'm miserable.

everything going on inside me have been nothing but a whole lot of mess. i don't know what i want to think, what to think, what people are trying to get me to think, what people are thinking, what people are trying to get me to think what i think. does that sound complicated to you? it is complicated to such an extent that everyone simply has different opinions on it altogether. nobody can get in sync with me 100%, and i give up trying since I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M FEELING. this is fucking annoying mind you. that explains why i haven't been talking to jasmine tho i have a huge problem on hand. talking to someone else bout it complicates matters further. for once in my whole life, i want to simply live with my problem alone, not share it.

anywayyyyy, can everyone QUIT asking me to make stupid decisions NOW? making decisions would require thinking and IF YOU THINK I DON'T ALREADY HAVE ENOUGH TO THINKING ABOUT AT THE MOMENT, KINDLY.THINK.AGAIN. if you have things to ask me to do which requires my thinking ability(i mean totally unimportant shit), PLEASE GO AWAY.

i have no idea how some people can feel that this whole incident is another simple affair of argument between parent and child when the magnitude is probably infinity times that. it's not so easy, it's not so simple, it's not just natural that this thing happens ok. IT'S NOT JUST A SPAT. what can i say to get you to understand this is could be a point where everything in my whole life takes a turn, a turn so great things would never be the same again. just in this one, one point. it is that crucial.

what

can

i

say

.
.
.

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Friday, July 27, 2007
7:43 PM

my life have been nothing but a cliche drama serial the past few days. it started with fpt asking my dad down to c him over my myes. the asshole didn't even tell me about it. fucktard. i can imagine him telling my father how screwed my results are and the chances of me promoting is almost negligible. ok fine, so my results sucked and he exaggerated it to my father(my mom would probably have been used to that by now). he went to tell a fucking warped story to my father that i had told him. note the warped. in e end it came out like i blamed my father for my bad results. soooooooo. my father was all hurt n all and said this, " how can you be so evil? i love you so much and you're blaming me for your results? What have i done? Joanna, how can you be so plain evil?" yep thats what he said to me. so there, i'm evil, i so did tell fpt that he caused my "downfall" in my myes. i soooooo did.

i can only remember roughly what my father said luh cause my mind was mostly blank; actually i was thinking whether i should continue using my pk altho its like rusty n all. " all along, all i wanted was that my children were fillial and compassionate. it does not matter if they're mentally retarded or not smart." i guess i am quite far off from what he wished for. "i used to think you were a good girl, but now i really understand why your mother is so critical of you" that's the main hit points.

next was the thrashing of timetable and more fucked up rules. warning: don't even bother trying to manipulate/oppress Joanna Tan please. she'll just feel dead you know. at first he made me follow them, n if i didn't i had a whole lot of consequences: confiscate phone, no internet, etc. the ultimatum was giving up on me, which meant packing me off to boarding house and just let me live without a family. what i had to do was basically live life as he planned in every minute, every day. let him fully manipulate and be in the clear of every thing i'm doing. after he found out bout my cuts he was like "you can choose to throw this away. i'd rather have a wholesome daughter over results. once you throw this(the rules n timetable), i won't say a word to you. you can just live life without a father" anyway in the end i chose to live life w/o a father. reason being i can't stand all the rules and i can't afford not to go for aca champs anyway.

next day fpt's turn to nag. fuck the hell off la. it was right b4 bio test somemore. in e end i was a little flustered and stuff during the test. all i can feel is abhor towards him. at night my father went all gentle n stuff n asked me bout the cuts. but seriously i can never trust him neither will i bother to talk to him about anything concerning me. "just tell me, i will not judge you" ya fucking right. the very next morning i was on my way out since i had an excuse letter for school for aca comp when fpt called to say i had better go back or considered truancy. so went back and was sent for conselling. my father told them. so much for just talking. but i realised mrs ng is really realy the best. shall not elaborate here. but i wanna say i rlli like her now(:

btw, aca comp was good yesterday!! i realli realli enjoyed myself, we got 4th or somethin, not rlli sure cuz i was sian diao after my dad called. its not bcuz we din get into finals that i was so ZzZZ. lol thats wat arif thot. but yea, i couldnt care less if we got in or not, it was a fine performance and i had fun.

my dad jus came in jus now. that explains y i took so long to finish this post. said he knows he over reacted bla bla. den he mentioned how meeting with fpt changed him. made me tok to him but i cant.. jus cant bring myself to i guess. yea so thats it. my melodramatic lifestyle.

ciao

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Thursday, July 19, 2007
6:47 PM

this week's been rather hectic. but it's also been jolly good. tmr'd be bbq yayness. then king lear on saturday which keeps me occupied til 12AM. yawns..

by the way, we gave the bio dog a name. N.A.F which stands for nuclear arms forces. hahahahaha go figure if u don't know why. i mean, like NUCLEAR, ARMS?!??! kinda duh. BOOM. i hate hate hate hate her. i swear she has chosen me to pick on. caught me for my skirt for the 3/4th time this week. LIKE PLEASE if my skirt's short, i dunno what u call 80% of the skirts of girls in my school. according to school rules, my skirt length is PERFECTLY FINE. bloody hell. everyone around me had shorter skirts n i don't see her catching them. arghhhhhhhhhhhh. then after finish wif skirt, catch earring. wl eh. everyday she'll make sure she come n chk on me ok. fuck fuck fuck. >.< *angry*

oh yea, HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY FOO FOO!! i know i'm one day late on this post but wadever. haha. today decided to dance indian dance in national day celeb, totally random.lmao i'd be e only non-indian there so..... er..... yea.. thought it'd be cool. hahahaha. AND AND dogs n i decided to wear punjabi costumes to king lear on sat. is tht cool or what. it's time for me to look indian n blend in or somethin. roflmao.

i guess that's all. all i wanted to do was bitch about NAF. *hurls expletives*

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Wednesday, July 11, 2007
9:03 PM

i doubt i'd ever tutor. haven got a reply yet OKAY. *peeved* that matter aside, things wif the parents are kinda alright despite the small spat 2 days ago where my mom bombed me wif msges all e way from china, and i ignored a call from her. and as i said, i got to know alot of stuff from my dad, too much to repeat it here.

i've decided to go for band prac tmr, tho i've more or less decided i din wanna perform anymore since i'm definitely outta touch now. digressing a little, HAVE I MENTIONED HOW PW SUCKED?? it TOTALLY sucks balls. this entire week revolves round pw, but on the bright side, we get to go off darn early. like how i finished lessons at 11 today. *smirks* tanisha dog went little india wimme to do my eyebrows! haven done them in ages, they were becoming shrubbish. HAHA. u might think going to little india with an indian would be useful, even if its a half indian. but tanisha dog is less indian den me man. ROFLMAO. it was brief but fun enuff.

more nx time den.. ciao

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Friday, July 06, 2007
10:17 PM

it's been rather peaceful, i'm very glad. i wouldn't mind living like that with them. they don't bother me, i can't be bothered with them. at least this way it's peace, serenity and tranquility.

i was trying to apply for the other tuition agency but they required my certs. i scanned my o's certs but later when i had to scan my ic n psle cert IT JUST REFUSED TO CONNECT TO MY COM. *points gun to head and fires*. the other tuition agency have not given me a reply yet. SO I'M STILL CURRENTLY JOBLESS. shiatness. i'm growing broker by the minute. and i just remembered i have to pass 10 bucks to colin tmr for aca comp. omg can i back out of the comp? i sorta can't afford the 10 bucks atm you know.

andddd jasmine's in LTC, so are the dogs. that made today sooooooo boring. i was practically melting on the floor out of sheer boredom. paul tan wanted me to talk to him if i wanted to. thing is, I DON'T WANNA T.T its totally weird and wrong to talk to him. i'd just... faint.

anywayyyyyyy GUESS WHAT! the mother is leaving on 9th. *pops crackers and throws confetti , not forgetting to prance around with pom poms* HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

last but nvr the least, HAPPY 2ND MONTH BABYY!! ahahhaa. it's been SIXTY ONE days, not sixty. let's go play swing again soon!! of course not forgetting tic tac toe*grins widely* thanks for at least being there even tho u don't exactly understand the whole thing yet(lol i must cont' my story), you're one of the few who actually bother haha, it's been crucial and important(: i loved you, am loving you, and will still love you<3

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Thursday, July 05, 2007
1:19 PM

i've been thinking, whether i really have the right to be angry or attitudal or any of the sort. i still have not figured it out. i need more time to think.

this morning went to wake my dad up. he planned all of it, i've come to realise. his door wasnt locked today. he wanted me to go in. he wanted me to wake him up. he wanted to throw it right in my face that he's ignoring me. he wanted to make me pay; make me late for school. it was 7:10 am. refused to give me the 62 dollars i need for my exam fees. so fine.

actually i wanted to cab to school. but my rational got the better of me. why should i pay 10 bucks or more just to get in school in time. to study when i'm not taking my exams without the money? so i just took the same'ol. a long long trip to nanyang junior college. i made use of the time i had then, other than disguising my runny nose and teary eyes, to find a way out. what are my choices? these are what i got:

-i have no obligations to obey his rules anymore since i'm not getting his money.
- i could get a tuition job and support myself.
- i could also move into my grandma's place.
- i'll save. till that day i can move out on my own.

but of course, do not think i don't remember what they've given to me.(in finance i mean, cause they've hardly had anything else to offer besides that). i'll pay them back. it will take yrs and yrs but i.will..pay.them.back. everything they've given me in these 17 yrs.

joey said she got lotsa assignments. so i'd grab a few. the above are hypothetical. it may work, it may not. but it's all i've got to cling onto now. amount left in wallet? $30. amount left in bank? $110.

paul tan called my father today. and he came to talk to me. said i have to raise the money first. no problem man. just a $62 deduction from the $110 in the bank, therefore leaving a grand total of $48. i have $78 to last me till god knows when. so tell me that i can do without a fucking job. and as expected paul tan suggested me to go under the couselling wrath yet again. but i rejected him. i've gone through it before, and it hasn't proved to help anything. and another go at counselling would only make me a publicly known psycho.

jasmine just told me what zhong lao shi said to her yesterday. i've been blessed by fate in the sense; i would think, i would cry, i would emo, but at the end, i'd still feel ok anyway. so, i'll just wait..

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Wednesday, July 04, 2007
7:58 PM

oh my oh my. it's been darn long since i've las posted. this won't be an abso long post either since my eyes are tearing as i'm typing for god knows wat reason. my eyes are screwed.

first,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TAN TIFEN!

sorry i wasn't there at ur party yesterday. shan't give excuses or reasons bout it. but hope u really had fun babe(: i shall pass u ur brownies(yes i did bake them) and ur meal another day. lawl. paiseh.

o yea i haven't actually announced it, but yea the myes are over. can't bring myself to actually pop crackers and throw confetti cause in my current situation there really isnt much to feel happy bout. *bangs head on table HARD* but i abso enjoyed dinner with ms teo. love love love love her. and sentosa yesterday, the four of us. and yea the shit last night. i have nothing to say bout it. or rather, 已经不知该说什么, it has always been the same thing what. cept now is mom+dad and 11 rules. never had rules my whole life. 想哭却哭不出, 要笑又似乎太荒谬.

today's lit lesson we had to come up wif a mantra, some one liner to tell ourself when we're down. mine revolved around time. as jasmine said, 船到桥头自然直. this has always been how i've dealt with my problems. time will heal everything. so just wait patiently. wait.. wait... wait... mayb we'll all wait till that one day where we never have to wait again. but for now,

i'll just wait....

---------------------------------------------

for the very first time, i've lost being at the upper hand.

i'm torn in two.

i can't sit still.

i want to rip myself apart.

i'm suffocating.

can't breathe.

hurts.

you..

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Saturday, June 23, 2007
11:36 PM

i'm beginning to wonder, if my level of maturity has yet to reach the acceptable level. it is without doubt i am currently thinking more with what comes with age, irregardless, i tend to trust others kinda easily. a very good example would be actually lending samson the hundred bucks. someone conveniently ignored my msg, asking how many eons are there left before i receive perhaps a penny from the 70 bucks he stil owes. today gave paul a simple birthday message, and got him to do a favour for me. requested paul to give samson a call to see whether he would pick up. paul's reply? "i just called his phone but it was off" by some stroke of impulse, i took my house phone n dialed samson's no. i highly doubt i heard the dial tone in the nxt second, and i highly doubt samson picked it up in the nxt 4, and i highly doubt it was him i was talking to. OK SO IT WAS ALL HIM. i simply have no idea was it benevolence of lady luck, or what i hate to think, that paul actually helped the asshole.

i've always thought paul was a great guy. not one who would side with bastards like the above mentioned. that set me thinking, hey, maybe i was wrong all along. the thought of that makes me absolutely annoyed and depressed. what exactly are the people i talk to like?(of course not talking bout my close friends, but those little random acquaintances i settle my boredom with)

that aside, the brother have been coaching me on my work(mainly enthalpy) and i have gotten probably 70% of it. not enough of course, but i'll continue my effort. it puzzles me why i take this mid yrs so seriously.in the past it was like AIYA WHO CARES. STIL GOT OTHER OPPORTUNITIES ANYWAY. it feels like i'm taking the As this year or something. to put it simply, i'm farking scared of bloody MID YRS. DX

i just caught the fantastic four and the silver surfer which is THE BOMB. the silver surfer is nicenessss. HE IS SO NOT THE BAD GUY OK. hmpf. OK CIAO.

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Wednesday, June 20, 2007
9:51 PM

I DID NOT STUDY TODAY. haha the whole day was spend slacking off on the phone with fooooo fooooo. but yea i realised i've almost finished everything. now is down to practice mostly. it's been largely great today other than the headache i had(my brain got fried prolly from being on the phone so long) haha. e wounds on my wrists have also clotted so everything's alright now. just that i have to make sure my parents(or brother) doesn't see it. the last thing i need now is to see a shrink.

my mom has been trying to get our relationship back. being all nice and all. but i need more time. harhar ahhh welllssss. she gave me this cat souvenir which is KINDA CUTEEEEEEE. furryness.

last night was a total mess. i think my previous post is quite erm, wat do u call it. i don't know, but yea don't read it anymore. hahahahah i think i'm good at switching moods. i sorta messed my darling's mood last night toooo. T.T SORRRYYYYY. i said things which i really shouldn't have(like how u couldn't understand), and i really didn't mean it in that way. it'd take some time when i tell you my whole story before u can fully get what im feeling, will tell you in time to come. could hear you were ): over the phone and after that i felt so )X. (u get the faces rite?) in WORDS, could hear u were darn upset and disappointed(if i'm not wrong) and after that i felt so bad/sad/like shit, i was suffocating. forgive me baby, I REALLY DIDN'T MEAN IT. i'm sorry! i'm sooooo relieved u were ok today, then i felt much happier. HAHAHA.

talked with foo foo till late at night after that. YES I WAS IN A MESS, CRYING AND RANTING AT THE SAME TIME TO YOU. omg i must have been a pain in the rear end yesterday jasmine. haha sorry. she had to resort to telling me some embarrassing story just to make me laugh. but luckily you were there. thank you! and yea, we manage to catch up whatever's happened in each other's lives for the past few months in just 2 days. hail to the prowess of a strong 2++ yrs friendship.

thing's i learnt from this incident:
- treasure relationships around me
- quicken my pace of recovery(so as to prevent myself killing others. preferably recover immediately)
- i'm a hazard when i'm not "normal"

oh bother.

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Tuesday, June 19, 2007
10:28 PM

this is my only source of comfort now. i'm grateful my com at least lets me blog. mother did it again. it's as if she has no other fucking things to do. so fuck me over she does. i presume there's no need to go into specifics. she just insists i didn't go out to study today. but i know better. the whole list of joanna's wrongdoings tumbled out soon after. daddy got fucked too. i'm sorry.

got home, trails of dried tears marking my face. called jasmine. she was always the one i turned to whenever i had such breakdowns. so she knew. alot. but i guess it's about time i dealed with my own problems. jasmine was busy with other things. but at that moment i realised i couldn't deal alone. so i hope ur fucking happy now. u just love to see me fucking upset. so chew on my despair, chew on the blood trickling down my wrist, chew on the tear drops some still appearing obstinately in the corners of my eyes. you got me, once again. you said i won't have anyone to count on in times of trouble. yea, that made me wonder now, who do i have. so fine, that would make you right.but SO WHAT. SO FUCKING WHAT. i'll show you how i deal with the bullshit you give me.

daddy came in to talk abt school fees. realised i was still quite upset and talked to me. but i rlli wasnt in the mood. so cruelly brushed him off. i now left HIM with no one to turn to.i bet my mom was giving him hell. but i couldnt let him stay near me, not with the blood slowly making it's way down my hand. i'm really sorry. very very sorry. that look on his face, i'd never forget. bc called, couldn't bring myself to talk to him either. i'm sorry. i rlli wanted to talk to you, but don't know where to start. nobody deserves this from me. sorry.

to YOU: don't you just love new blades? those with sharpened sides which give the highest satisfaction when they slide past ur skin, eating it's way into your flesh. the pleasure of relief which overcomes you as you sit there watching red droplets materializing where the piece of metal kissed you, amusement of them slowly building up then at last, gracing the rest of your skin with it's presence. well, please be happy now then. you claim i haven't done anything for you, never. so i dedicate these to you. hope you love it.

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Sunday, June 17, 2007
1:25 PM

it's a sunday w/o aca prac. whoa. i'm SUPPOSED to be studying but hey, here i am blogging. HARHAR. eurgh. btw, i have bio lesson tmr, and i have loadddsss of essays to write BUT somebody's not catching any balls(tht would be me).

anyways, yesterday was kinda fun. went airport to fetch mommy at the weeeee hrs in the morning. den went home n slp til band prac. a total of 10 ppl showed up. was the only trumpeter. PATHETIC MUCH. might i add i couldnt rlli play anymore. SOOOOO, yea. i died. if only i could still play like i used to, pracs would be tht much more enjoyable. played with this rlli rlli cute ny cat while waiting for mommy to come pick me up. IT SA JIAOSSSS. heh. mommy decided she wanted to have dinner with darling tht nite, soo tht was the las min plan.

went towning to shop for new clothes. yayness. i bought 2 jeans, one top and one pair of heels. haha. NICE. changed into new clothes, met baby, and went for dinner at this restaurant in taka. mommy was relatively friendly I THINK. yea. then mommy went grandma's place and the 2 of us went gai gai. hahaha.had fun in the neoprint store, and hung arnd while waiting to be picked up, again(it was raining heavily luh).

THE END(:

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Thursday, June 14, 2007
5:44 PM

yesterday jaslin bummed out, leaving a rather pathetic reunion of a grand total- 2. but as usual, dinner with sarah at frenchie creperie armen is love, but a little pricey. nxt was hanging at town,watching the beating drums. everyone's out every single day of their hols. WHAT ABOUT POOR OL' ME. thinking:where have all my frenz gone. social life sucks, or rather, a lack thereof.

studying's been nothing but delusional. tried my hand at chem tys. consequence: caused a tear in the bed sheet cuz i was jabbing my pen knife into it in sheer angst and frustration, minor slashes across the bloody rash on my arm jus because IT IS PLAIN ANNOYING and not forgetting a major pain in the brain(migraine). so what can i say. studying is HAZARDOUS.

and the ultimatum? there's no more spongebob squarepants at 6pm on Kids Central every weekday. Shiat.

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Monday, June 11, 2007
10:11 PM

i feel productive today, having just finished 7 chapters of chemistry. hahahahahaha. kudos to joanna. HAPPY HAPPY.

i guess thats why the mood's a lot less angsty and alot more bubbly. lmao. nobody can say joanna haven been studying hard anymore((:

and aca songs have been decided:
1)it's you
2)long juan feng
3)hold me

whoohoooo.

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Saturday, June 09, 2007
9:57 PM

i realised i haven been in much contact with my frenz. ppl like sarah, tifen, and especially jasmine, jaslin and mer. craps. my life used to revolve around these people. haha the ironies in life. and guess what. i actually feel tht my holidays shld purely include studying. i keep thinking of studies no.matter.what.i.do. tell me that sucks. haiz. i can't even convince myself to jus let it go for one freaking day. it's so annoying. darling, i have to say ur quite a big influence in that aspect. lmao. IM NOT BLAMING YOU OK. it's good, in a way.

talked to foo foo las nite. whoa it felt good. haven talked to her in AGES. i can pour all my troubles on her. LOL paiseh. i mean, having known her for that long, she knows quite alot, and understands quite a handful too. really miss the times where we talked for 3 hrs on end almost every single day. i told you this would happen after we graduate didnt i? all e conference calls, be it with jaslin, bon, or whoever.

foo says she's emo-ing again. so am i, hahahahaha. -.-*coughs* all my little insecurities that i'd nvr had dreamt of having and all her memories brings us to all our problems. o wow tmr's aca prac at angie's hse. SOMEBODY INFORM ME HOW TO GET TO EAST COAST FROM LIKE BT BATOK???? *cries* and i din take my score from home. KILL ME. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. and i have to face menopause in another like, 40 years. wow.

o ya, in case anybody's wondering, grandma's recovering well from her eye op. yep. seeing her so normal makes me feel quite happy. yay. OMG JASMINE FOOOOO. DROP THOSE CHEAP BULLSHIT ALCOHOL UR GETTING FROM 7 ELEVEN AND GO GET WASTED WITH ME. let's get the real stuff. CHEERS.

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Wednesday, June 06, 2007
8:07 PM

tmr's grandma's operation, my heart is racing like nobody's business now. really pray she'd keep calm and cooperate for the op to go smoothly tmr. pray that the operation would be nothing other than success. T.T

for the next few weeks till 16th i'll be alone at home. again. ah wells. daddy would be on a business trip from tmr onwards, going bangkok n china. remind me to get my pocket money b4 he leaves(ok i know this so makes me materialistic. but im jus being pragmatic).

I GOT NOTHING ELSE TO SAY LUH.

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

This post is dedicated to one and only one person, the person whom i shared the most wonderful one month with(:

life has been most wonderful since the 6th of may 2007.

i love it that i'm happy when i'm with you,

i love it that i know you'd always be there when i need you the most,

i love it that you let me abuse(tickle) you,

i love it that you don't offer me empty promises,

i love it that you love me,

but most importantly,

i love it that i love you too(:

thank you,

for joining TAS and letting me know you,

for caring,

for loving me

and thank you for being my everything.

i love you baby. Happy One Month Anniversary!

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Sunday, June 03, 2007
8:48 PM

past few days ma parents have been spamming me wif alot of talk about da boyfriend. lol. talk wif daddy was mostly annoying, but amazingly, talks wif mommy was largely amusing and informative. but they have very negative perspectives on their own marriage): buttt anyway.

check out wat mommy said:
"ya, he the one that i fell madly in love and got married with"
"he's my 3rd b/f that i seriously dated, there are others that i was not too keen but went out with. but he's the one that i was very sure i wanted to marry"

and i was very impressed and surprised when i realised my mom actually understood me. like knew my character, knew how i am like.

"but if i know you, you tend to hide your emotion." which is quite true most of the time.
"and i think if you found the right guy, you will likely to fall head and heel over him." bingo again. haha my mom was the last person i thought would know me well.

a few more highlights of the stuff she said:
"if i hv a chance to live all over again, i will pick a husband is that is an academic like doctor, professor etc...i will not choose a salesman or business as a husand"
"why not? however, sometimes it's all fated. when i chose daddy, he was not a salesman, he was a QC and later quite to become a salesman. "

but mostly the conversation revolved around her afraid that i would get hurt. but wadever rite? shall not care so much bout da future now. yesterday went grandma hse and met uncle kengloon n my cousins there. lol THEYRE SCARED OF MEEEEEEEEE!!! ): like strangers like tht le. apparently i look uber different from las time, so they feel distant from me i guess. haiz. did i really change that much in 1-2 yrs???? ok i guess i did. it's like somewhat a turning pt in my life. brought grandma downstairs for her haircut. her op's on thurs and im gonna b there for her. she's darn scared now.. can't blame her.. her life's so weak now n all, i'd b scared if i were her. whats more it's an EYE op, ur eyes are actually open n u can c everything n all cept u cant feel nothing.they have appointment on tues but cant go la, cuz worldvision's either tues or thurs, so gotta make it on tues. boo.

today's aca prac but ppl all missing n stuff so we slacked most of the time away XD but its rlli fun just having the whole grp of us chilling out liddat. lol. o yea darling n i made pancakes today!! babby was DA MASTER CHEF TODAY! ahhaha wat wif the flipping pancakes n all *whoooo*. it's things like that that make me regret ever cursing myself for being alive(:
mommy sent me a photo of herself n her frenz. CHECK HER OUT MAN!(the middle one)

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Wednesday, May 30, 2007
10:22 PM

past few days have been awesome. sunday had aca prac as usual except SOMEBODY was down with a bad throat and missed it. *tsktsk darling* got quite some stuff done. our group name? 17.8, which is our average age. haha coolness. and we've gotten ourself a new beatboxer! Arif, who's my uncle. haha. that guy's the nicest man. auto let me whack(: lmao.

after that went raffles to meet binggie and walked over to esplanade much later. lol apparently tzemin n zhiyong had to rush back home cuz they left e tickets. and we were on time for hwachong choir concert! i'm not into these kinda choir songs, but i can appreciate their standard, which was WHOANESS. met a coupla nyjc folks and ex nygh peeps. the song i enjoyed most would of course be our story. haha abso love that song! they go the chords and all and not too bad. the rest of the night was spent camwhoring along the river. then went home.

the next day was of course "chalet". lmao. my dearie came over my place den we left for PS to meet zhiyong n tzemin who made tiramisu(i din even noe tiramisu was possible to home-makeXD) played pool after that. HAHA POOL IS GROWING ONTO ME.im starting to actually like the game. watched POC3 that night. johnny depp!! hahahahaha. ok gotta admit it wasnt the best of POC but still had cute parts in it. walked a whole long way(about an hour) after that, before deciding on marina square as our chalet. haha.

i.was.bitten.by.mozzies.the.whole.damn.night. ok everyone was. but i think i got it the worse. ): HAVE TO CALL NEA ABOUT IT. soooooo, didn't slp(as expected). after breakfast was just roaming. rushed home after that n prepared to go out again. to school this time for lit lesson. i practiccaly nodded off most of the lesson anyway. and rushed home and prepared to go zouk. haha. talk about hectic schedules. met sarah and wan hui. the stupid party started so freaking late. so partied abit then went home(continue this story wif the previous post). i think i'm over clubbing alrady. haha felt so outta place yesterday.

slept like a pig today, i hav no idea wat time would i wake up if i din receive a whole lotta msgs. haha piggggg. e rest of e day was spent wif my darling. and now i'm sleepy again. hhhaha. crapz.

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

i know it's late now(kinda), and i know i'm freaking exhausted. BUT. i HAVE to say this.

I JUST HAD A REALLY SUAY EXPERIENCE JUST NOW AND NOW I'M BROKE BROKE BROKE. so went zouk. plan was to catch e las bus. but we left too late and i realised my last bus was gone. so from clarke quay walk till chinatown just to find a stupid atm machine. there were SO MANY DIFF KINDS OF ATM MACHINES THERE INCLUDING THOSE ULU ONES BUT JUST NO UOB. i wanted to just sit there and bawl my eyes outT.T i couldnt ask daddy to fetch me since most prob he would b slping, and he would've killed me if i told him i cant come home. and there is no one else to ask for help. wow. i saw the road sign showing the direction of clemenceau and i actually thot of walking all the way home from chinatown. =.=wahhhhhh.

finally found a whole row of uob atm machines after half an hour of desperation. wanted to draw 30 bucks to ensure sufficient cab fare, but INSUFFICIENT FUND. wtfffffff. but luckily e taxi driver was nice enuff to speed me home to save fare.

I'M NEVER NEVER EVER GONNA BE OUT THERE ALONE WHEN THERE IS NO MORE PUBLIC TRANSPORT. EVER. and. i need to find a job/start saving money.

BYE. *cries*

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Monday, May 28, 2007
1:13 PM

should i go zouk-ing? or should i not? now that's THE big question. what a bother. the money part is quite alright since sarah's fren can get us in for free, but the TAXI fare is like. erm. alrady told daddy i'd be at chalet for tonight. so if tmr i tell him i'm going clubbing. like whoa-ness. he'll make me come back somewhere in the morning la. and sarah says she wans to stay out til morn to catch the first bus(i so agree). MONEYYYY! haha i swear sarah will kill me if i say i dun wanna go now. BUT SERIOUSLY, clubbing would be sooo unhappening ok, what with the decency in it and all*coughs*. ok so let's evaluate the choices:

Reasons why i SHOULD go:

-i spent 25 bucks on a darn suitable dress for the occasion

-i promised sarah i would go

-it's FREE(at least the entry part)

-i haven't gone in a million years

-i would most probably regret it the next day if i didn't go

-i love it.

Reasons why i SHOULDN'T go:

-daddy(i bet he's darn worried bout me =X)

-CAB FARE

-i've run out of reasons to support my nightly activities

-i'm attached

-i'm desperately trying to be more er. wat do u call it. decent?

sooo. it's 6 yes to 5 noS. damn. BUT. to add, sarah just msged me"at least to chk e party out, TO SEE AND BE SEEN. we won't needa queue so we'll be glamorous"haha shit man this is tempting. ok so i guess i'd go. when i've told my dad abt it. HAHAHA.

THAT ASIDE. my mom was telling me bout my grandma's upcoming eye op. it costs 10k plus?? like wth. haiz. i guess i really hand it to my mom, how she works for all those money which ultimately comes back to her family. the sacrifices she made, the effort she puts in, and not forgetting the shit she gets from us. ok fine. mostly ME. it's not that i piss her off on purpose la. i really have no intention to, it's just my character. it doesn't coincide with hers. what makes things even worse, is i've nvr been close to her. never. in my whole life. ok so maybe when i was a baby til i was 4 or something, but excuse me, it's THAT many yrs ago.

to do something in return, i've decided to not think of studying overseas(: cause my bro's alrady gonna do that and the costs are alrady quite high. he's always been the smarter one so it would be the best of everyone for him to go. for me? it'll just be a waste of money and time. the only reason i would go is for the novelty of it all anyway, i would not study hard, would not get honours or anything. what i WOULD do is make use of the freedom and finance i get over there. so it's better for me to just stick to SMU, which i would say, IS NOT THAT BAD.

o ya o ya!!! my life's been quite happening recently. anndd guess what! my dad's a st james power station MEMBER. god he could've told me earlier. with his card u can go in for FREE with any liquor FREE. like ^&*(%#$. and he can bring in another person(looks at self). HA. thats it man. the NEXT time he's going, I'M TAGGING ALONG. hmpf. until today, i think my dad's still more hip than me XD hahahah even tho i'm at the go clubbing, stay out all night, stage, he seems to know quite alot of lobang. damn. I NEEDA CATCH UP. DADDY ROCKS!

ciao(:

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Thursday, May 24, 2007
8:23 PM

haha joannatanyuting is having extreme moodswings. i'm uber happpyyy today. for no reason. LMAO. i'm just in a really good mood. this is madness! today's a slackkkk day. only had gp, den council investiture where i caught one who CANT SIT PROPERLY. urgh. and chem tutorial which taught me alot(: yay!

rushed home to get the collection receipt and rushed down to causeway point in my excitement to get back my phone((: waited n waited and voila!!! yayyyyyeeeeeeeeee!!!!! so now i have 2 phones ATM. hahahah. chem tutorial was the last lesson of the term. tmr would just be gp seminars. END.OF.SCHOOL!!!! *screamss*

btw, get well soon my dearest!! sleep more!!(since slp seems to be curing you. hmmmm.)eat well!!! love you!!

ok. i'm officially crazy.

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Wednesday, May 23, 2007
10:14 PM

today's a real pain in the rear end. it's just another of those JUST-SHOOT-ME days where i rlli wished i was better of being non-existent. nothing bad in particular occured throughout the day. had lessons as per normal. with my right eye tearing like mad. had drama after school which was just elections. guess what. i was elected P.R.O. that's probably the only good thing that happened all day. i'm in the class comm, and now i'm in the drama comm too. looks pretty good on my testimonial. ain't bad.

after drama got to meet bingg since i was going for hc's syf concert thingy. apparently he could tell i was quite crapped up inside. sorry darling): i was trying to act like everything's ok la but evidently it's stil kinda obvious :X i' m just er. pms-ing??? ya wadever. just ignore me and i'd be ok after a few days at most.

THEN. as we were on our way to hc, i remembered i had to meet alot of ppl at tonight. meet beverly to pass her the book, meet jermz to pass the glitter thing, then daddy oso msged me to say he wanted to see me. like crap my mood much? arrived at hc and saw the banders. like dang it i miss playing in band so so much. saw banders that i knew which made me regret not joining band even more. but even if i did join band in ny, it'd be so different cuz everyone around me would not be the same, not even close to same. i'm looking forward for alumni band prac. although almost 100% i'd not know how to play anymore, but just hope to build up my standard once again. thinking of how i'd not be able to play is like, you know, hopeless. 4 yrs of hard work down the drain. i suppose that's where the phrase "move on" comes in.

i left during the intermission thanks to daddy's wonderful msg. rushed home. to find out. it was nothing. just asking what kinda performance n whether im able to cope with my work. thanks for the migraine dad. it was just so helpful. but at least he drove me to beverly's home to pass her the book. i'd have died if u ask me to walk to her house. i'd just stop at the bus stop on the way home and lie there to slp.

btw, i've decided to work hard and mug during the june hols. i really hope i'd carry it out and am not just spouting nonsense. the most i'd play the first week or something. if i dun do reasonably for mid yrs, my dad's so gonna start restricting me. and by then, i'd wish i'd just die or something. so. yea. no more playing for joanna. i'm gonna coop myself at home, or the most go somwhere to study but that's it.

stash away the knives and drugs. i ain't needing it.

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Monday, May 21, 2007
9:49 PM

i'm blogging twice in a row cause of a song. THE song. hahaha. love<33

Everything-Michael Buble

You're a falling star, You're the get away car.

You're the line in the sand when I go too far.

You're the swimming pool, on an August day.

And You're the perfect thing to say.

And you play it coy, but it's kinda cute.

Ah, when you smile at me you know exactly what you do.

Baby don't pretend, that you don't know it's true.

Cause you can see it when I look at you.

And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times

It's you, it's you, You make me sing.

You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.

You're a carousel, you're a wishing well,

And you light me up, when you ring my bell.

You're a mystery, you're from outer space,

You're every minute of my everyday.

And I can't believe, uh that I'm your man,

And I get to kiss you baby just because I can.

Whatever comes our way, ah we'll see it through,

And you know that's what our love can do.

And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times

It's you, it's you, You make me sing

You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.

So, La, La, La, La, La, La, La

And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times

It's you, it's you, You make me sing.

You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.

You're every song, and I sing along.

Cause you're my everything.

yeah, yeah

So, La, La, La, La, La, La, La

So, La, La, La, La, La, La,

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

the most queer thing happened to me and it makes me feel like a complete fool. a month ago, i received a call in the middle of the night. that person claimed to be tataric. of course, when i asked her who she was, she said tataric's name. so i just took her word for it and gave her my time. she "confided" in me using tataric's name. what did she say? she had sex with a random stranger she picked up from e bar for the first time and was filled with guilt and what not. so fine, since "tataric"'s my fren, i shall offer her my condolences and utmost sympathy. but throughout the whole conversation, somehow i felt extremly awkward and uncomfortable. and it was not because of the explicit content, mind you. the girl's voice, the way she spoke, felt somewhat familiar and somehow i know i didn't like it one bit. and i noted how she didn't sound like tataric at all. but i just took it that tataric sounded that different late at night and on the phone. so this chapter of the incident ended just like that. i nvr brought it up as i deemed it unnecessary.

saturday night. she called again. i was 3/4 asleep so everything's a blur to me. but i clearly rmb her identifying herself as again, tataric's name. so i was just ok. and she said about guilt YET again. but i guess my weariness got across to her and she asked me to just sleep, which i gladly accepted. just half an hour ago, i talked to tataric asking about her the other night, to ask if she's alright. and i got to know the fool that i was. it was never her. it was a bogus tataric. a complete lie. our conclusion:that bitch wanted to dig out some juicy information from me about tataric that people don't alrady know. but one thing i don't get. that person clearly already knows the identity of tataric, what else is there to know? in case you forgot, tataric writes explicit details of her rendezvous on her blog which happens to be public. she hardly hides anything other than her identity.

this sucks. big time. it's highly vexatious having to know that people actually went to find out MY number just to get to tataric. you MUST be about my age. so, why can't you grow up? or just grow some GUTS and face people as you are, without a fascade to get to know what you want. or maybe i do know you. and you know im acquainted with tataric. yea. i am acquainted to her. so what? it doesn't give you any damned right to use me, more so if i actually know you. of course, i presume you wouldn't be calling me anymore. it would be palpable and i won't fall for it again.

it's shit like that that make me hate life, it probably affects tataric and not exactly me in particular, but I JUST GET ANNOYED OK. that aside, today had a grand total of 2 lessons and i ended at 5-.- had lit from 10-11am. mrs lim wasnt here today so no chem. the only lesson left was bio tutorial from 3-5pm. sucha waste of time. and i was called upon 3 times during bio tutorial. and outta 3 times, 2 i had to stand. bla. ah wells. it's ok cuz i managed to sit in the nx minute or so. haha. tomorrow's gonna be quite alright too. gp lecture's gonna be movie watching. so yay. (:

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Sunday, May 20, 2007
11:25 PM

remember i mentioned baking?? yea i REALLY did. lol. i baked brownies from some random recipe i searched from the net(: i thought it would totally fail or something, but in the end it was not TOO bad. ahha. at night was dinner at no signboard seafood in geyland. damn, u have no idea how huge their SIGNBOARD was. hmmm. met samantha, samuel, aunt, uncle, grandma and maid. heh. the food is getting worse la. it used to be quite good, but yesterday's food was just alright.

this morning met my lover at macs. u know, i've been waking up so early for these few weekends, and i realised one thing. i have more time to do more things. haha yayness. den bussed down to causeway point. i got more ingredients to make more brownies!! sent bingg off at RP for his competition, met colin, and off to causeway point again to fix my nokia phone. i went crazy w/o a phone n decided on buying a new phone. SHOOT ME. bought a second hand sony ericsson W810i for just 300. it wasnt too bad considering he gave me a free new earpiece and the phone was damn new. no scratches at all. so ah well. went off to yishun cuz colin wanted to buy his contacts. i decided to get a new pair myself since i hate wearing specs n all. n guess what! my degree went down quite alot apparently(at least for my right eye). from 100+ become 750.o hahahaha. my left eye is now 125 i think. so not too bad. and everything looks so super clear now(: went home to bake my brownies after tht. more choc, less sugar=perfect. aha ok, so not PERFECT, but BETTER. and i went to visit popo in e evening. END.

I.LOOK.RETARDED.

erm.my hair is er.black-.-

this was total candid. and it's prettaye(courtesy of sarah chan)

haha the pro singer on stage

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Saturday, May 19, 2007
1:51 PM

it's a saturday. hurrah-ness. haha i just love adding extra "ness" to everything, don't everyone? i've decided to just stay home and chill out ALONE today): that is, until my brother comes home and drives us to my grandma house to visit, and for dinner with the other grandma and cousins at night. and i just had this very crazy idea to bake. HAHA. SHOOT ME!! i'll go see if i can get the ingredients later(:

yesterday was TGIF day. morning was spend on bio and chem lectures where venessa(ct rep) very kindly announced that paul tan WAS NOT HERE!!! *JUMPS IN EXCITEMENT* so for the whole class(excluding tanisha,loshini,jayme and me), school ended at say, TEN THIRTY?!?!?!?!! while THE four of us had lessons at 230 to 5. life's just spasms of unjust. i decided to make use of the four hours of nothingness to do my math tutorial which i finished in one hour or so. met up wif luting and gang in the comp lab. then the people behind started talking about the infamous acid. wat they DID NOT realise, was the acid was sitting at the computer in front of them. spot the irony. they were oblivious about it. it's not as if they were somewhere obscure and reclusive.lmaorofl!

school finally ended! bingg was alrady outside lt4 waiting(: met sarahh at kovan mrt! and tantifen was late for AN HOUR. *whacks tifen real hard* dinner was at white tangerine at kovan cc. yes kovan CC. but the place was so un-cc-like. it's hip and trendy. they even had a pool table XD kudos to sarah for always being able to find places like that. lol.had pasta for dinner and pool for dessert.ahahaha. i was quite gd at it last night. my beginner's luck must've come late cause the last time i played(which is my first) i had no such luckXD, or maybe i just stole the skill from bingg. haha sorry darling:D TAN TIFEN SUCKS AT POOL!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! and guess what! the cafe even had a live band! is that coolness or wat!

but erm problem: i didn't know almost all the songs they sangT.T I'M SORRY, i suck at chinese songs. bingg went upstage to sing zuan shu tian shi. omg. it was SWEEEETTTTTNESSS. i was melting in my seatXD even tifen was squealing away at the side. haha. thanks again dear, love u loads! the band people commented on his pro singing after tht. haha of course(: i wanted to sing something for him too! but too bad cause im clueless when it comes to chinese songs): sorryyy. nx time babe! then took a long long ride home(((((((((:

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Thursday, May 17, 2007
9:11 PM

yesterday darling came over to my hse again. we made the pizza thingy! it was quite succesful and quite tasty too. lol. made 4 altogether!each better than the one before(also because each preceding pizza had more mushrooms). we had some leftover mushrooms n sausages which we used to make an omellete wif. JOANNA CANT FLIP OMELLETES(hides face in shame). T.T lousy me. haha. the whole thing came apart when i attempted to flip it. i think bingg was more successful. yayness.then daddy met bingg XD thats why this morning he was like i shouldnt go into anything that'll distract me from my studies for this 2 yrs. but not like its gonna change anything anyway. so yea(:

all my SPAs for this term are over! so i can finally start relaxing a little. haha. if i haven't alrady mentioned it, the days are going past real real fast. it's like the weekends were just over, and now they're coming again! today went to 6th ave's tea party house to meet darling n his besties zhiyong n tzemin. ahaha they're darn cute n nice ppl(: we played pictionary. it was soooo funny. we chose the weirdest things to draw on like michael jackson n elvis presley. tzemin n zhiyong alrady knew wat was it b4 actually having drawn much. hahahhaa. then played uno stacko. forfeit was e guys do pushups luh. darling had to do 30(: hawtness! LMAO. and we went off. waited at e bus stop which was dominated by sji ppl who were all sweaty n all XD

i shall post some pics cuz i've realised i've not put up any since a million yrs ago

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Tuesday, May 15, 2007
6:30 PM

othello is over! i must say othello ended wif success. during the last performance the lights didnt screw up at all! kudos to luting cuz she was there to make sure everything's ok. she totally controlled e matinee performance on her own cuz i was so tired n fell asleep XD oops. haha thanks darling(: and she's there when im BORED TO TEARS. lol! but tina was being quite nasty cuz she kept picking on lights when it was done the way it was designed to be. but AH WELLS she's the director. oh yea, alot of people are drooling over cassio. i guess the army uniform fetish is still lingering around in this era.lmao.

to backtrack a little, wednesday went to watch 200 pounds beauty wif my darling at lido. it's quite nice! the songs are total love too! den jus hung arnd there which was perfectly fine wimme(: n we had to go home. DANG IT. thursday n friday was othello othello and more othello that i was getting sick of it. saturday bingg came over den we went rp for lunch. n i went for othello again. lol. routined lifestyle. LIFELESS JOANNA FOR ALMOST A WEEK BABY.

sunday went pass jus liddat. T.T sianz. but at least i spent it wif you(: monday was choked by bio n chem tutorial. *suffocates and die* and today was math test! nothing else much.

its ONE more week to hols. and TWO more to MOS. imma stil deciding whether it would b MOS or ZOUK. or both. after this it should be mugging(i know i've said this a million times, but.). YAY(:

all in all, life's been pretty to me. apart from those times where i really wanna sleep and stay asleep forever, i'm enjoying what i've got now, which is all i need. ciao

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Tuesday, May 08, 2007
10:54 PM

samson is past tense. officially. like wadeva rite. -.- and he now owes me a hunderd bucks. but i'll skip the whole sickening story. yea sunday had acapella prac. we finally chose the second song to sing, which is 'only you'. i have no idea where i heard it before but i noe i noe it. and i love that song. and now, i have my love(:

yesterday was being a bitch to me. yesterday's my longest day at sch, i end at 6. n i was so fucked over trying to prepare for BIO spa. bio always makes my heart just wanna stop beating. n its SPA somemore. den had PE after tht. but luckily it was like 5 stations which i completed in like 15 mins. but after tht had to chiong for drama. moorthy dashini n i left early. all shagged n all. moorthy finally agreed to follow me to eat my darling tau hui. i swear there's somethin wrong wimme. i ate like half a bowl(for e whole friggin day)n i felt like puking. I CANT EAT AGAIN. *wails* anyway. i realised tht moorthy is rlli a rather gd fren when u need him to be. he promised he'd travel anywhere (only in singapore) wif a box of tissues for me if im upset n crying my guts out. i realise e frenz i have arnd me are rlli saints. went home n stuffed dinner down my throat wif attitudal dad watching tv. no fucking appetite. by e time i reached my room, everything was automatically regurgitated anyway. chiong finish GPP den had to wake up at 5 plus again to finish off my bio tutorial. tok about SHAG.

today was ALRITE. sitting in the front row has all it's advantages. teachers will NOT call u. so bio tutorial was a breeze. o yeaaaa. guess wat(: apparently Neetha deems me as one who is commited and reliable. THIS IS A QUOTE, NOT MADE UP. so she placed this oh so commited and reliable person in lights. i feel so proud of myself, cuz even tho i feel i haven done alot for drama, Neetha(vice pres) thinks so:D but. BUT. BUT BUT BUT BUT. i was planning to take e day off drama on THURSDAY but thurs is full dress, so being in LIGHTS, i'd HAVE to be there. friday n saturday too. but Neetha was sucha darling. she compensated me by giving me tmr off((((: so i decided to give her my ultimate best in drama. i faithfully went to the drama room right after sch today(being the first one there). then Neetha assigned me to touch up the othello emblum. but %$#@^& it's so NOT touch up. its was such a slip shod work done by god knows who. there were patches where its not painted properly, the edges were neither here nor there, and colours were EVERYWHERE. so i jus redid the whole friggin thing. i can't stand it. where's the responsibility. y cant the job be done properly in one shot, rather than wasting so much time actually RE-DOING it?? so my whole day was spend painting that ONE emblum. imagine wat others can b done. and ive not even painted on the words cuz e paint was stil wet. so i'd hav to go tmr to finish it off. i dun care man, i'm getting it done by tmr, regardless. thurs's alrady full dress, performing for ny ppl for free.

so i was e las one to leave too la. colin happened to b in serangoon. so met him at 8 plus for dinner. had dinner near my sch wif his frenz. but i stil cant eat la dang it. i think it's the viral infection thingy again. AH WELLS. nvm. but i AM getting rather annoyed wif the rashes. e paint is making everyone breakout in rashes. then papa colin n i went home together. btw, does anybody have e song "hey ma" by cam'ron???? im soooo in love wif it but i just cant dl it T.T it's total hotness.

and TMR will be a friggin nice day. yaynesss..

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Saturday, May 05, 2007
10:10 PM

i had my chem test on wed which was quite easy just tht i din have enuff time. yea so quite screwed. thurs had mock spa for chemistry. quite easy too. LOL. then ipod guy called to say ipod's here. haha i used daddy's credit card cuz needa order binggie's ipod from online. daddy kept saying i would anyhow use his card. TSK. no lo. im so guai. then went to meet binggie to buy his earpiece((: i found out theres a DIRECT bus to bugis from my sch. how cool is tht((: went ICON's nesty. in e end e earpiece there was good on e outside but not so bravo in quality. haha so we got ipod cases n he got his attachment thingy. MINE'S PINK!! damn cool. hahahahahahah prettaye ok! then watched spiderman 3! i STILL cant recall e very farnie part XD but e ending so sad!! hot hot harry got disfigured n died somemore *cries* then dinner at foodcourt. and walked to simlim but everything's closed le ): so poor binggie din manage to get his earpiece tht day.

friday had normal lessons. had bio make up tutorial AND I FORGOT TO BRING ENZYME TUTORIAL. kill me. after she went thru finish SPA she was like gonna do enzyme so there i was hyperventilating away. cuz jayme n tanisha were on my bench n they were leavng for chinese alrady. so i was e onli one without e tutorial. ahhhhhh. btu luckily she din do. she jus let us go. HAHA. shit man i nearly died. then had math. din do tutorial. he took down our names, which was like almost e entire class la so fuck it. discussed pw gpp after tht. den met binggie to pass him his ipod. yayness hope u like ur new ipod man. hahaha. toured him arnd e sch. then went for drama. had to paint this er, like SOMETHNG la. no idea how to say. so had to SIT down n paint rite. but the stupid material is weird. it causes ur skin to be itchy n painful. painful like fibreglass, n itchy like a million ants biting u. at first thot it was dust mites, but neetha said its e damned material. so gross. so i got damn peeved in addition to my alrady quite bad mood because of *COUGHS*. and for e first time since i've knowned him, i found moorthy to be quite a gd fren(: he actually empathised and listened to my problems and offered solutions. haha that was darn surprising, like how i actually found him useful. thanks moorthy(:

daddy went for the parent talk thingy. so he drove me home. we went for dinner at macs first. then i realised my left ankle hurt like i twisted it(which i so didnt). then my stomach started killing me. my analysis:i tink i must have accidentally swallowed some paint/turpentine sometime somehow. so i was dying there while daddy ate his macs-.- but e pain subsided here n there. and i finally got my dose of tau hui!!! yumness. went home. HOME SWEET HOME.

today i woke up. and guess what i saw in the mirror. my right eye was swollen. omfg. it was HALF CLOSED cuz of e swell. haiz. i actually wanted to jus wake up. but i couldnt bear seeing myself in e mirror so i ran back to slp hoping e swell would go down when i woke up again. it did la, but its stil there. and its swollen til my double eyelid is GONE. i wanted to jus stay home n hide myself from public humiliation. but i figured it wasnt so obvious so i stil dragged myself to sch for drama. the ride was surprisingly short. onli half an hr 0.o so i reached punctually at 2. started painting. and was stil troubled cuz of *COUGHS*. haha but wadeva. time passed. then met lulu n jiajia. HAHA. talked to them. felt good talking to them. den we went for tau hui AGAIN! yayness. joanna loves tau hui! then talked abt steel-borg n all. HAHA "DUN SABO ME DUN SABO ME!" omfg jiajia made a darn gd imitation la. LMAO! then went home since dinner wif colin was cancelled. apparently he felt as shitty as i did. and samson talked to me after like 235958 yrs? ok its 3 wks but bad enuff. i rlli dun care, ive alrady taken its over. but i hate it how he comes to find me cuz hes BORED. he wanted to go out but im not free(alrady hav acapella) then thats end of conversation. wtf man. but i've nvr rlli liked him anyway la. ahaah. thats one phase over. phew relaxed. AND MY RIGHT EYE'S STILL SWOLLEN. haiz... i tink its some insect bite or allergy or something. cuz theres this spot of red on my eyelid. sian diao. i will jus die if my double eyelid's gone.

tmr i guess cant meet sarah chan n tan tifen anymore): so sorry!!!!! will meet up nx week or somethin k?? n now, to proceed for scrubbing session. once again. BYEBYE.

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Monday, April 30, 2007
9:36 PM

i have chem test on wednesday, i have not studied a single thing, and i'm going back to sch for drama. tmr, btw, is LABOUR'S DAY. freak. i'm so deaded. i decided not to go for 0733 outing so i can stay home to study and voila. here comes drama wif THE big bang. BOOM. that's it man. i'm gonna fail chemistry too. hurray. today, i swear, is a BAD DAY. the very first lesson was lit esaay timed trial. I NEARLY DIED. i mean, she din teach much on jc lvl essay writing n there she goes slamming a test in our face which, btw, IS COUNTED IN CA MARKS. i'd rather get stabbed. come on, someone jus take a knife n plunge in down my throat. jus KILL ME WON'T YOU?!?! *takes a deep breathe and counts to 10* ok. calm.

then chiong chem tutorial. had chem tutorial. after that chiong bio spa. memorise. then bio spa(hell as usual). bio's always a torture. so stressful that i cant do well. it terrorises me n makes me absolutely DREAD it. shit. then had to chiong for PE this time. was late as usual cuz of bio prac. den mr singh made me not do pe. hmmm. lol cuz my wound isnt exacty healed yet so he insisted i dun do pe. mr singh was the only teacher that made my day so wonderful(altho it was alrady 5 plus n e day was almost over). but it's so queer. i wanted to do pe n he din let me. hhaha. but he's probably right, dun wan my wound leaving a scar. like OH AM GEEE. i'd DIE if a scar was left there. i'd jus. die. T.T and wif tht, monday sch is over. all in a daze. i wasnt concentrating on anyting e whole day. LOL. oops.

you know, even going home was bad. i realised i forgot to put my ez link card in my bag(AGAIN). and the stupi 966 took like half a fucking hour to come. n i had t SQUEEZE into it when it finally came. o yea, i din pay e bus fare cuz i couldnt reach e coin machine thingy XD i felt real bad bout it. haiz talk about monday blues):

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Sunday, April 29, 2007
10:16 PM

joanna feels better tdy. yayness. at least i slept a little more. yawnz. hmmm lemme see. i was supposed to list activities for e week. e more prominent ones would b friday. e rest are like just mugging for bio test which was on friday. friday kinda sucked. had bio test which im so sure to fail now. and later even had gp test later. then went for e table tennis match thingy n arranged to meet binggie there. and when we were on our way, IT FREAKKING POURED OK. my shoes were so soaked i could practically rear fishes inside-.- FINALLY reached e stadium. it was not very crowded.. i couldnt catch any ball at first. so to hell wif it. met binggie den after tht realised TAN TIFEN WAS THERE TOO. hahahaha <3<3>

then binggie n i went to meet sarah n jaslin(: went to cafe melvado's which was near coro. had rather nice food as usual. cam whored a little. JUST A LITTLE. haha. and jaslin went off. den e 3 of us walked arnd e area, including hc. this time binggie was BETTER at being a guide. haha. sarah seemed rather interested(surprisingly). ahahaha. then finally went home. haha have i ever said how much i love sarah chan n tan tifen?? for e past few weeks i din tink they were tht impt anymore since we haven met after such a long time, but tht day tht kind of closeness came back(: n im loving it. it'll be really nice if we could just hang out like tht everyday. somehow we just didnt when we were in sec sch(cuz we werent that close til near o's).life's always toying wif us somehow. but i'm glad they're my besties now all e same :D

yesterday i was at e carnival. it was quite lousy man. btu e gd thing is everything's free, e henna e manicure n e games. so i got henna done. thats it. haha. wth rite. last night samuel called me cuz he thot he saw me at MOS. ermz. i swear i wasnt. lol it wasnt me. today was tas day. well sort of. i mean, wif TAS peeps. sunday is official TAS day. haha. went jurong east. then changed plans of ice skating to kbox instead(sorry colin). was quite high. hahaha dancing n all. i was 'quiet' at times, but i wasnt exactly emo-ing la. i was jus.. well.. just sorting my thoughts. there were points during then i rlli felt like i lost it or something. lost control n wanted to just disappear, like die. I DNNO WHY. (ok i do know why, BUT I'M NOT TELLING). to put it simply, i've lost control of my life. how i feel, how i do things, just basically being me. i can't control me being me anymore. it just sucks u know. just like othello. he kills desdemona n himself when he couldnt control his life anymore. it's like u lose control, u lose everything. WATS WRONG WIF ME. i've always been rather dominant in my life, n now it's like i grasp nothing but air. and this is sucha bad time. A lvls coming n all. in jc, i can't afford to lose control. it's like i want something i can't get n i'm screwed up over it. wtf is tht man? since when do i give a damn anyway??

yea so when i was unusually quiet today, i'm just trying to sort things out n TRY to gain control( which i have not yet done n dun tink i will in e near future). so colin, pls dun emo cuz i LOOK like i'm emo. cuz im not. (: i tink ur scarier than me when ur emo. and for now, all i can do is patiently wait till something miraculous happens, or hope everything passes asap. of course, mug for chem test too. LOL. ciao!

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Saturday, April 28, 2007
9:38 PM

i've been a bitch tdy.. ok and yesterday too.. i think its the sleep, or rather, the lack there of. i kept complaining whining and all yesterday. i havent seen sarah n tifen in ages and all i do is whine. fuck me. binggie went there wif me too n i was whining. wow. i'm such an angel. sorry): i rlli din mean to.. i have no idea wat was wrong wif me..

for today, i woke up at 8. EIGHT. on a SATURDAY MORNING. and its not like i had insomia or something. the freaking neighbour was renovating like JUST NX DOOR banging away like nobody's business. n the wall must b freaking thin cuz i hear EVERY.DAMN.THING. so went market wif daddy n all. i just woke up so was stil rather energetic. had to go to sch for carnival shit(which i later found out was NOT compulsory). tht was when i started like being an ultimate bitch. my head hurt. i was so tired. i was. moodless. moorthy was talking bout me pms-ing. o yea, i met shihui n lummy tdy. haven seen them in ages. n they were asking why i'm so different tdy, like im damn blur n damn bue song. wtf is wrong wif me. i'm like screwing all my good/best friends over. haiz i shld like just go die rite and not bother my frenz wif my moodswings. once again, I'M SORRRY SORRY SORRY!

and guess wat dear tingxi just told me. he apparently dreamt about me last night. and apparently in the dream i asked him to stop calling me cutes(he always goes "hey cutes" when he sees me") and call me pretty instead. omfg wat dumb dream is tht. and wait, theres more. in the oh so pervert tingxi's oh so perverted dream we were having some conversation on my first sex experience. WTF.

Miskobitch says:
we were talking abt sex
Miskobitch says:
O-o
Miskobitch says:
u were telling me abt ur 1st time
Miskobitch says:
which was super weird
[joanna] should know by now miracles do not exist in this world called reality. says:
-.-
[joanna] should know by now miracles do not exist in this world called reality. says:
ur dreams are so typical of u
Miskobitch says:
how typical
Miskobitch says:
no loh
Miskobitch says:
u were telling me
Miskobitch says:
how this girl smitten u
Miskobitch says:
guy i mean
Miskobitch says:
and took ur 1st time
Miskobitch says:
><
Miskobitch says:
i was scratching my head
[joanna] should know by now miracles do not exist in this world called reality. says:
-.-
[joanna] should know by now miracles do not exist in this world called reality. says:
hope tht nvr happends
[joanna] should know by now miracles do not exist in this world called reality. says:
happens*
Miskobitch says:
i know it was weirdddddddddddddddd
Miskobitch says:
weirdest cinversation ever
Miskobitch says:
so sexed up

ahhhh wat is happening in e world. i dnno wat he dreams of half of the time and i do not wanna noe. that conversation just made me extra moodless. everybody can/should just ignore me for now. rather ignore me than let me piss u off. i'll fill up activities for past week another day.

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Monday, April 23, 2007
9:52 PM

jc life's really making time go past like just like that, to some point i would even say its scary. even tho i end at 4-6 nowadays, but my day doesnt feel tht long. in sec sch if im out at 3, i would feel like its so over-timed already. hmm.

anyway, yesterday was acapella day again(always e most enjoyable day of e week). in e morning, THE 3 OF US(u all shld know very well who by now) decided to meet at marine parade at 11 for a mugging session. i was supposed to board the bus colin was on since the bus passed my place. colin msged me at 955 to tell me he jus boarded e bus. so i timed at least 20 mins for e bus to arrive(colin said it took quite long). 10 mins later, dear colin called me to tell me he was alrady at bangkit there. -.- thats like 2 bus stops before mine. and I WAS STIL AT HOME. i grabbed some stuff i was supposed to bring and dashed outta e hse even b4 i put em in my bag. i ran ran ran to e bus stop ok.wat unglamness. the bus was at e bus stop when i jus reached. so at least i managed to catch it.

then went to e library. binggie came later. we mugged(talked). there was this cute cute little boy who was covering his eyes bashfully when he saw us. haha then we were teasing him n all. he's darn cute!! he also started crawling on e floor XD went foodcourt for lunch, DELICIOUS and rather economic. haha. then we bought 2 icecream cones. i shared e raspberry one wif binggie and colin chose peppermint choc chips(or something like tht), but we ended up sharing everything in e end. LOL. RASPBERRY NICER!!! haha i have nvr liked peppermint. went to wait for e bus to angie's place. colin totally jus crunched down the cone when the bus came, n so did i(another unglam moment).

xianyi joanne was there alrady. some senior called junkai coached us for the day. he's darn good at singing altho its kinda weird, but gd all e same. and he's uber unfriendly. joanna was shuddering throughout. ok bullshit. but yea he was kinda unfriendly so i was wary of him.lmao.junkai gave us alot of feedback and ways to improve, n i must admit, we sounded quite good towards e end. but i was kinda stuck wif e "heuuu" thingy :X after prac tried comin up wif our grp name but TO NO AVAIL. haha but we do have 'cadence', 'uta', and a few others. ahahaha.

took a looonnnnnggg ride home wif binggie n yiwen. me n yiwen were SINGING in e bus. hahahaa. darn fun since there was nobody there left in e end. went to eat boon tong kee for dinner wif daddy n kor, met up wif samuel n e rest there. haha n left. home sweet home.

alas, had sch tdy. siannnnn went at 8 for drama meeting quite promptly but in e end started onli at 820. o yea, i forgot to bring pe attire tdy. HAHA. kill me. so i just din go, sincei had THT wound which started bursting out in blood again yesterday n is killing me. can u believe it, tanisha went to tell e whole story to mr singh. TALK ABOUT EMBARRASMENT. but nvm, hes a total nicey. i tink im getting random. so ciao!

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Saturday, April 21, 2007
9:38 PM

hello:D the days are passing real fast for some reason. lo and behold, the weekends are here again! yay!

on friday something hilarious ocurred at sch. paul tan(my gp tutor and ct) was exposing himself during gp tutorial. hahahahaha. it was so farnie man. so we were like laughing away and he kept getting quite pissed. asked e guys to tell him in private but they didnt(mean rite??) then paul tan got soe pissed he said "wats so funny? if there's sucha farnie joke, u should share it with e whole class"(well, something liddat). oh am gee. hmmm wonder whether he RLLI wanted us to share it with the WHOLE class, but we didnt anyway. we din tell him either. we're not trying t b mean or anything, but in a class where the majority are girls(21 to 4), it darn embarrasing for us to tell him rite? so yea. HAHAHAHAHAHA. oh god. and he kept standing right in front of me, i thought my eyes would rot. *puts hands over eyes*

then i had my fucking long 2.5 hrs break, so i just went to central and met up with luting, celestine and weijian. sch sch. blabla. at night went kallang for seafood dinner(which i din find very fantastic to go all e way to kallang for, but daddy n kor thot otherwise apparently). after which, i went to play pool(my virgin experience)wif my bro n samuel. samuel finds it so surprising tht i haveNEVER played pool in my 1 and almost half yrs of crossing the 16 yr line.

i mean, im sorry im not much of a pool person. haha. so they had to teach me the rules(which i more or less noe from playing online pool) and guide me along the way, which was quite nice since both of em would purposely hit kl balls so tht i have an easier shot the nx round(: niceness. i nvr knew my bro would eva be so nice to me(even tho its RLLI not much), but yest my bro was quite nice to me. haha. den we took e bus to rail mall. we didnt have the car, my dad went pubbing wif his frenz n took it. o ya, GUESS WHO I SAW!!! i saw mr M. oh. my. god. cuteness. ahahahah. cuz i was near kap, n he was waitin for the same bus at the same bus stop as me! haven seen him for AGES. hahahahahahahahaha. instead of pubbing at rail mall, we took another bus to samuel's place. then samuel went to get his car SO WE DIDNT HAVE TO WALK!!!! drove to bangkit for late night drinking n chilling. actually i din rlli intend to drink, but samuel bought a whole bottle of heineken and he took an extra glass so i jus drank A LITTLE only. im not crazy over beer. samuel drove us home. marking e end of friday.

today found out samuel had a relapse. i was having this bad premonition that something bad was gonna happen. but it was more of the car would crash/we got into an accident or something, but wen we all got home safe n sound, i thot i was jus some nervous wreck. then this morning found out about it. i felt sooo sooo bad. i should have stopped samuel from drinking, for some reason i felt it was my fault. i feel damn bad for drinking wif him las nite instead of just not allowing him to drink. but i rlli didnt expect him to have a relapse, i mean, he drinks practically every other night anyway. booo.

that aside, i finally had my hair done just now. so now its rather tamed, not bulging in places it's not supposed to and stuff. i wanted to just die when i saw how the hairdresser jus snipped my hair off. just randomly positioning his tool and chopping bunches of keratin off. he pinned up my hair wif e clip like all hairdressers do, but he cant even do tht properly, the hair keeps dropping. tht happened like 4 times. finally i decided to just trust him since i was in jantzen(e onli salon i trust). and it turned out alrite. the lady who blowed and style my hair afterwards did a gr8 job but he spoilt it wen he applied the applicator and stuff on my hair and pushed it this way n tht. wanted to kick him in the nuts sooo bad. but on the bright side, it looks alrite, quite nice and neat(:

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Wednesday, April 18, 2007
11:37 PM

ouch. i had this wound since monday and there's always been this film of yellow on it. i thought i was pus, but it CAME OFF when i rubbed dettol disinfectant on it jus now. oo lala its like a piece of pus soaked cornified layer of my skin. a thin membrane actually. so after tht layer was gone, the blood started appearing. eeewwwwww i was so disgusted i nearly fainted. ok so im exaggerating, how can a bio student be so freaked out by something ever so trivial after disecting eyeballs and hearts? but stil, it hurt like theres no tmr. that proves one thing, either that area is so super sensitive tht i cant tolerate the pain, or my usually rather high tolerance for pain(since ive done shit things in e past) is GONE. omg. i used to be able to tolerate/notgiveadamn about the pain when i slammed my thumb with e car door(by accident), whereby e whole top fragment of my thumb was lodged n stuck there until i re-opened the car door. i didn't even whimper. i fainted like half an hr later(apparently i was in shock but not like i could help it) but i nvr ever made a sound from e pain man. and i swear this wound is like THE SIZE OF er... lemme think.. i seriously cant think of anythign to describe.. O YA somewhat like a friggin GREEN BEAN. yes its tht small but its quite deep. so shit. i hate myself man. it's not painful its not painful its not painful. there. i will not feel anything from now on. HAHA. im nuts.

as for bio prac report, i'm left wif e graphs n e conclusion. shall do tht tmr cuz im too stupid to noe wat to do.

btw, i nvr knew my sch was so bitchy, as in like had so many bitchy ppl in it, till today when my frenz told me. i dun wnna mention e victim's name la(who's my fren). but i went to read her blog as well, and i mean, it's her right to write wat she wants. of cuz, if she personally attacked anyone and thts y she got spammed, i have totally nothign to say, since she was e one who incurred e wrath of others. but in this case, she may have written things that r deemed slutty, but thts totally her own business, she didnt drag in anyone at all. u can dislike her for it, but i jus tink its quite unfair and mean to actually go n SPAM her. n my frenz oso told me how news spread, like darn quickly in my sch. i rlli rlli nvr knew tht, i thot this sch is totally calm n much betta den nygh, i mean, it IS junior college alrady u noe. at this age i would've thot ppl could think on a higher maturity level and not make a mountain out of a molehill. it's toxic and dangerous. the hard facts of life makes me shudder sometimes, but i guess i should rlli get used to it since i do have about 70 yrs more to go in my life(by right anyway). why cant ppl be nicer anyway? i noe i can b bitchy too la, but seriously WHO have i hurt man. i'm not perfect but i'd hate it if i intentionally went to hurt someone. thats y i was quite moody for e rest of e day and dear moorthy jus LOVED to irritate me on purpose. urgh. i wanted to step on his toes and give him tht roll eye look.

BYE. T.T

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Tuesday, April 17, 2007
5:56 PM

i'm home!!! my earliest day of e week((: i swear all my coms are fucking up on me which makes me SO PISSED. my NEC laptop cant be switched on(which means i cant scan since i lost e installation cd n its e onli com which alrady has e program in it), my IBM laptop isnt able to install e internet, my desktop keeps auto restarting itself and my internet keeps getting cut off, and my Mac laptop is USELESS anyway. argh. i swear im so not fated with computers. n i cant possibly use my bro's deskptop cuz i dun wanna, and obviuosly not my dad's laptop at home. =.= so useless.

school sucks as usual, but at least i had a gr8 sunday(: in e morning went to lot 1 to meet colin n binggie cuz colin wanted to watch a movie.. but in e end NO MOVIE SLOTST.T haha sian diao.. so we decided to take neoprints. like wow i haven taken neoprints in 13867393 years. e neoprints turned out DARN NICE. we all agree we look like brothers n sister.. hahaha cutenesss!! then onli me n colin decorated cuz binggie is a noob at it lol. then walked arnd abit, got binggie to try on hotttt shirts. haha den eat! then xiangyi joanne n samuel came but we had to go to my hse first cuz beverly has been there waiting forever. XD

then started our prac. everybody got crazy over e drum set. haha e drum set is ALWAYS e main attraction in my hse. n colin kept stressing how he wanted to come n move into my hse HAHAHAHA. sry dear, wait longer. haha. xiangyi they all came abit later. and we started our prac(wif joanne crazy over e electone). we got abit unbalanced and outta tune. i realise something, we tend to sing better wif lesser ppl, i tink its bcuz we cant balance the voices. like me n beverly cant balance together, joanne n xiangyi etc. so it sounds like MORE than just 4 parts. tht's y wen there was onli one person on each part, we sounded quite alrite, in fact quite gd. and we needa add in more dynamics to e piece, makes it have the 'umpf'. yea so MORE PROGRESS made and needed. haha. gr8. then i went to watch 'the reaping' wif samuel n my bro after tht at causeway point. niceee. i think joining TAS is e onli thing i've nvr hated doing in my whole life. prolly cuz i rlli love singing. i usually get sick of certain things after 2-3 times but MY PASSION FOR TAS IS GOING STRONG!! especially when i found such gr8 buddies there, ppl who actually rlli BOTHERS about me,care bout everything i say, everything i do, etc.. i haven found ppl liddat other than e close frenz i alrady have. wonderful ppl~~~

n i needa mug. just a gentle reminder to myself. HAHA. i needa hand in my 2nd draft of PI tmr. o ya u neo wat, i was so bummed out tdy. i forgot to bring ALL my math stuff, and my PW stuff. haiz. i kept remindin myself to remember my bio stuff n i ended up forgettin e rest. sianzzzzzzzz

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

i wantd to blog. but foofoo jus called me so i have to go to e canteen to be the accompaniment.haha sounds wrong but ya. CIAO.

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Sunday, April 15, 2007
12:18 AM

my lovely com has been rather nice to me since it loads the posting page without fail nowadays(:

TODAY IS SAT-UR-DAY!! *screams* haha i need a break man. today is sucha nice dayy!! daddy n i decided to make fried wantons so went to get those ingredients n we made them. haha i wrap til darn pro ok, i can make the curry puff style(: HAHA. genius. then went out wif cousins. went to escape since they had these free tix n all. ( i noe, i swore not to go there in another yr, but who cares rite??) the first ride we rode(e one tht makes u go round n round) sucked. i tink cuz all 4 of us sat one carriage so it was too fucking heavy to spin-.- but otherwise it was alrite la. we were there til it closed. n i totally have no feelings for the haunted hse anymore. haha numb. samson insists im too old for escape but I DUN CARE cuz its just for fun(:

after tht went to ah ma hse for popiah. oh my, she hasnt made them for yrs.. but i was quite full so ate 2, but was forced to eat one more anyway. n samantha's bdae is coming!!! so had the cake n all, n sang her e birthday song. HAPPY 15TH BDAE SAMANTHA!! one more yr n u can watch NC16 movies. haha. den actually wanted to go out for midnite show, jus e 4 of us cousins, either samuel or my bro would drive. but NO MOVIE. sucks. ah welllsss.. n now i'm waiting for dear colin to TELL ME BOUT TMR. argh. so las min since angie suddenly aint feeling well.

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Friday, April 13, 2007
6:58 PM

i just saw this ad which informed u that u can blog in hindi. hmmmm..... ok wadeva. i noe i noe tht was like uber random but wth im boredddd. haha.

biggest news of the day:fluidbar is cancelled.
actually im quite ok wif it, since i was planning to like SNEAK out of the hse.. u noe, the kind where i tip toe down the stairs when my fathers in his room, then go out hoping my dad's a blundering idiot and he wouldnt actually find out? yea. tht was my gr8 plan and i wasnt rlli feeling too gd abt doing tht since 1)my dad isnt exactly a blundering idiot 2) thus increasing the probability tht he'd ring my cell till it literally EXPLODES in my face 3) which lands me in, i must say, DEEP SHIT. yea. so conclusion? i shldnt go anywhere w/o permission.

so. today. stupid day. CAUSE THE REST OF MY CLASS ENDED SCH AT 12 WHILE I FINSIHED AT WHAT?? 5!!! omfg. tht was total motivation to run outta sch man. i mean, mrs tan and ms kwok would run after my ass but tht's wat i wanted to do. but sheer determination and resilience made me stay anyway. (btw ur supposed to actually APPLAUD!!)

but math lesson was fun. PLEASE, its not bcuz of the lesson content, but tanisha n i were totally like morons playing wif our GCs. we wrote msgs to each other wif the full alphabet on e GC. so i jus typed 'fuck!" with the ! on it, then she replied "fuck.functions" then subsequently i threw her a loser n she called me a DOG, so in e end she bcame a PIG. lame i noe butIT WAS MATHS. so forgive my insolence wont u? e guy bside me was so lamed out by us he typed me the "-.-" sign. HAHA. geeeeeee.

yea n andy just informed me bout some underage party TONIGHT.den he said he'll go wimme, but dude, thts totally anti-climax la. unfun-ness. i wanna go hav fun but i dun wanna risk anything(if ur blur, refer to the 2nd para, im lazy to resay it).besides, it's more fun wif more ppl arnd. yawnz. i shall rot at home then. o yea tht reminds me, i so totally have to redo my ipod. i exchanged it wif my dad so til now e songs inside are like his. and HE HAS SO MUCH COUNTRY MUSIC tht im starting to tink i have some cowboy for a dad. and i get so irritated by those songs i badly wanna smash the damn thing. and thats bad. very bad.

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Thursday, April 12, 2007
10:43 PM

u'll realise i blog rather often nowadays. n usually when i do tht, i must rlli feel super emo/pissed/like shit. sch was not the problem la, considering it was smooth-sailing other than the PE part.

actually celestine's right. y do i even bother. i dun even care bout u la. i suppose its bcuz i expect more from u. i deserve more. but yet YOU DON'T FUCKING GIVE A SHIT. like wat the freaking hell la. wat's going on?!??! it's supposed to be THE OTHER WAY AROUND?!?! tdy paul told me bout u, and wow like why am i even NOT A WEEBIT SURPRISED at wat he said? well guess wat, CUZ I GUESSED IT. it doesnt even take a blustering idiot to know tht. but it isn't giving me the element of amusement i was expecting. damn.

this shall be taken as training for my resilience which apparently isnt very strong. so yes my decision is to take it u don't exist. i mean, do u even? hmmm. so too bad. and yea i'm going fluidbar. it makes me feel carefree((((:

on a lighter note, i really really wanna thank those lovelies who responded to my er (emo???) nick on msn and attempted to cheer me up. but rlli, i'm not so much sad as im peeved. i'm quite surprised so many ppl asked me wat happened la. cuz i mean, i used to always put similar meaning song lyrics there and no one asked a thing(i guess i'm not the only one who knows the songs). but i love love love u guys who's there for me! celestine, luting,ks(even tho its a rather failed attempt), shihui darling(:, and not forgetting my TAS buddies colin and binggie!! it rlli makes me feel my world is actually not too bad, YOU'RE the only thorn in my flesh. haha yes so the world is once again a lovely place to be in aint it? YAYNESS. i really love <3<3 my frenz alot alot!!(and i'm not just SAYING it).

o yea, i went shopping wif lummy n shihui darlings today(((: sry i dragged u 2 arnd!!!! haha i spend like almost 200 bucks on shopping spree agn. but i'm happy so WTH rite. SHOOT ME(:

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Wednesday, April 11, 2007
7:43 PM

NYCB GOT GOLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahahahahahaha. im damnnnnnn happy for them! they're the onli band to get gold for the morning session(: at least they're appreciating their own efforts and are happy with wat they got. i rmb 2 yrs ago we were crying our eyeballs out just bcuz we got gold instead of honours, but come to think abt it now, i think it was gd enuff.

i finally got into blogger, thats y im actually BLOGGING. anyway on sunday, all i did was go for acapella prac at binggie's house! i swear his whole estate is con-fu-sing!! but his hse is quite cosy, damn bonded family. we sang with only colin, xianyi, binggie n me at first. then subsequently jordan n yiwen came too! den very ri nao! we heard the last recording for the day and it sounded stil quite shitty, but must admit, we made a huge progress.(((: then kor came to pick me home!i wanna say, I LOVE TAS AND THE PEEPS THERE!! i think the ppl there r so diff from e usual ppl i noe n all and theyre chao niceness. haha.

and now im deciding whether to go fluidbar on sat nite. pfttt. stupid celestine keep psycho-ing me every chance she gets. AHHHHH. hahaah.

tdy i feel like shit. i wanna like u more but u talk like some ass ok. i don't live for ur expectations. bahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i rlli feel like shit lor. its as if i live to be provoked. i wouldnt mind my ever so simple life back. i think tdy everybody's relationship is like shit. celestine quite bad, n i just found out luting's even more jialat. wl wats wrong wif e world. nvm tmr will b a better day(i hope)*psychos myself* mayb i shld jus listen to celestine n go clubbing n be a slut. mayb thatll make me feel betta. HA. fuck.

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Saturday, April 07, 2007
6:57 PM

HELLO HELLO HELLO! i went clubbing AGAIN. i noe i noe i noe i swear not to after st james. but ah wellllsss. went dxo. b4 tht i rushed to botanical gardens from home after sch to meet SARAH CHAN AND TAN TIFEN for the pyjamas party thingy. but obviously i wasnt in pyjamas la. hahahaha. im so happy i finally saw them again(: and gues wat guess wat! i walked her dog! so adorable!!!!!!! den i cabbed down to dxo. e rest were stil queueing right at the back. after like 2 hrs celestine went off wif her bf while e rest of us continued queueing. den we got fed up. it was like 1245 alrady n last entry's at 1am. so i contacted andy to get us in. he asked the bouncers to let us in so we cut the queue n went rite in. the bouncer somemore picked up a ticket from e ground n gave it to us wen we lacked one ticket. HAHAHA. so nice. the crowd:bengs,sec sch kids. like omg. was dancing wif luting n minghong. gabriel decided to jus sit down. hAHA. some shit beng came along n danced wif me so fine la. but he decided to get a little more 'comfy' by touching my boobs.luting tried to help me by pushing his hand away but HE.JUS.WOULDNT.BUDGE. n his fren was getting closer to luting so minghong brought us away. i was stil kinda peeved so i wasnt rli tinking atm. but later i wanted to whack him so bad even tho i decided thts nt a gd idea since he's a BENG. he's the first guy to do tht to me in singapore la. wtf. im so IRRITATED.

we went to sit. den * was hot on my heels. so minghong n i went down to er hide in the crowd in e dancefloor. haha. damn scary can. i was sooooo worried * might find me. shit. den while hiding i was in the vicinity of the BENG. CHAO UNLUCKY CAN. so minghong exchanged places with me so that he's on the beng's side, not me. thanks lots. hahaha. later luting oso came to join us. yayness. had alot of fun wif her. but minghong had to consistently reposition himself so tht we were more 'safe' HAHA. o yesh, the beng's fren looked like a friggin COWWWW mooo moo moo. he pierced the part below his nostrils. fugly much? but overall it was quite fun la, i mean the musics darn nice. altho by e time i got in my fav songs were OVER. haiz. o yea stil had the prob of sweating since its darn crowded n hot on e dance floor. hmm i tink i looked like it jus rained indoors or somethin. haha. we stayed til closing time. wowww. den went to eat at boat quay. found celestine n bf matt. den we alll ton-ed at clarkequay. all the way til 630. den cabbed home! so by e time i bathed n everything it was 8am alrady. went to slp. den COLIN woke me up. dots. den begged me to go for TAS outing which only left with bingcheng him and jordan who was performing.HAHA.

so i went allllll the way down to expo. T.T i' m so nvr gonna do tht anytime soon again unless for a gd reason. its so friggin farrrr. booonesss. n who knows, biscuit and colin were both later than me. wl. and i thought I was the one who was supposed to b late. hmmmm. in e end i found out it was some church event since it was good friday. they had the usual. their drama is darn good. the technical stuff oso damn pro. i swear their church is RICH. they practically had EVERY.SINGLE.ARCADE.MACHINE in the expo just for their funfair. u noe how much THAT mustve cost????? hmmm and i wonder where the money the church ppl donate goes. lalala. so we ate tako yaki and played arcade till 10 plus. hHAHA. den me n colin went down to chinatown to find some club to go to while mr biscuit went home): in e end colin n me decided on bumblebee since dxo decided to chk every single ass's ic for some weird reason. bumblebee made me put on this hideous GLOWING band on BOTH wrists. did i mention the bands glowed on the dancefloor area. it practically shouts ' HEY LOOK HERE! IM UNDERAGE!!! WHHEEE!!' pfttt. and bumblebee sucks shit. the music was good alrite. but. NOBODY ON THE DANCEFLOOR. like HELLO?!?!??!nobody dared to go dance la. wth nvr seen a club like tht b4. so conclusion: our nite sucked.

went home at 2 plus. took nightrider with colin to woodlands den cabbed home since it saved cab costs. haha. and i plopped onto bed n KO! whee. tdy is jus slacking at home. doing PI n all. haiz. so no life.

anybody wanna go on mugging session wimme?!?!?!

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Thursday, March 29, 2007
9:43 PM

wahhh I MISS SARAH CHAN AND TAN TIFEN!! out of some sudden inspiration, i decided to visit sarah's blog.. den i saw the links to pictures and i haddd to go visit all the albums of our outings, my bdae, jaslin's bdae n all. and it hit me how much i missed all of them. outings wif my loves are always so fun. it may not be planned most of the time, but somehow we manage to dig out the fun in them. sigh.. i was laughing laughing laughing at our retardedness(especially sarah's and my little story we made at jurong point about little miss monkey), then i wanted to cry thinking how i din really c them that often anymoreT.T i sincerely hope all the in-between times we don't meet don't change our relationship at all, other than making it all the more closer. i can't afford to lose my loves. i realised(especially on my bdae) that they are the ones that make my life have the tint of special in it. really.

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o yea did i mention i watched 4 movies in 4 days? mr bean(which was oh so very lame as usual), stomp the yard(omg watch it pls), 30o(GO SPARTANS!) ANDD the messengers(also a very good one). by the way, ur supposed to applaud my endeavour? ok wadeva. omg i can feel a SORE THROAT coming up. shit. haha im rather good at diverting so.... yea. another exciting thing. i saw hady mirza at pump bar(i tink), just some bar/pub at clarke quay. *pls scream* er ya.. haha i tink its kinda sad how nobody gave a damn about him. usually celebrities have to disguise themselves in public but he totally didn;t and yet not a single fan was there to get his autograph or anything. he was wif some gal(presumably his gf, not too sure tho). and i confirm that the crowd at pubs are SO NOT MY THING. they're like... at least 10 yrs older or something. but it was my dad' s bdae nhe liked the place. and i quite liked the band they had. moreover daddy dumped memy vodka so i jus sat there all demurely. lol. the band is damn good la. and they had this 'female' singer, which was actually a male, but i think he's a tranvestit/ transexual. u noe, dress up like female have boobs and all. sounds rather like a female too.

then monday had half day so went ps wif julia n moorthy and met up wif ppl from 0733. they watched tmnt while we watched messengers. hahaha. scared like shit. then yesterday went mind cafe wif jiahao n shihui. played alll thhheee lammmeee gammesss, then laugh laugh laugh. ahhh i love 0733 peeps too. i guess i'd learn to love 0702 as much, but prolly need more time. yea soooo. bye.

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Thursday, March 22, 2007
9:16 PM

i feel so so fucking... so fucking.. i dnno how to describe in english. but for those who understand hokkien, I.FEEL.SO.FUCKING.PEKCEK. ahhh fuck fuck fuck. i think u guys will laugh ur butts/head/limbs or wadeva can drop off, off. but IT IS BCUZ OF MY FUCKED UP HAIR. it's not because of the colour, but it's very much related. after i dyed my hair e other day, the stupid woman blowed my hair for me. those unclassy hairdressers would just use the fucking comb and blow ur hair dry. but as any sensable person would noe, this would cause ur fringe to wind and turn in the fuckiest way. the 2 sides of the parting combine to look like it's making a inverted U shape on ur fucking face. at tht pt of time i din give a damn, anyway my fringe would always change back after i wash it. but wat i forgot was the dye chemicals were stil there. so IT LIKE MADE THAT STYLE PERMANENT(or at least last for quite a long time).

so even if i just washed and blew dry my hair, the fringe ends up like the fucking inverted U. and bcuz of tht, it's not onli FUGLY, it pokes my face and EYES and its so fucking irritating. OMG. i so wanna die. i noe to hear this will make it seem like "oh shit, it's like some small shit, no big deal" or somethin like tht. but it rlli makes me wanna go MAD. i totally feel like shaving my hair off n letting it regrow, but of cuz i would die b4 ever doing tht. but i feel like cutting my hair at those pro salons like jantzen. mayb they can help me re-do my hair. AHHHHHHHHHH. that's why i NEVER go to cheapo neighbourhood salons. i thot since im onli dying my hair BLACK, it wouldnt matter. BUT I AM SO FUCKING CARELESS. my hair always fell all over my face, but at least it doesnt POKE me like it does now. shit shit shit shit shit.

and my hair is making my life hell. i swear e past few days my hair was some attraction or somethin. "OMG JOANNA! UR HAIR IS BLACK!!" er ya. and EVERYBODY says i look better in brown hair. irony: they all used to say tht hair was so ah lian. so the onli conclusion i can get is i must look good as an ah lian. and i wouldnt exactly say that's a compliment. wth i stil rmb how my hair looked wen i was sitting there waiting for my hair to b dyed. it was my desired style. I LOVE IT SO MUCH. and now its like -.- fuck.

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*